Mattress now silent.
Reflection forced
upon the peak of frustration.
Cradling my heart
to muffle the disgusted
pitter-patter.
I retrieve the bittersweet.
His face;
the highlight of my
once upon a times,
while salacious paste
clings to thighs,
the traitors of the night.
~
Recalling the swirl,
when taste and touch
would dance.
Lips locked with lips.
Siphoning the decadent
saturation of bliss.
Air always seemed to breathe
sex and excess.
Pleading arches pliant
in and out of dreams.
Your home
was buried inside of me.
Clutched from the depth,
beyond this humid velvet valley.
Crawling deeper and deeper,
beneath tegument horizons.
We’d rise beyond…
then like a feather fall,
still cradled as one.
Our language was fluent.
Yet somehow,
we repeatedly…
misunderstood.
Author notes
I normally dont put much in AN but I thought I had to in this case.
This piece was inspired by a friend of mine. After reading one of my poems they said to me...
"Erotica is for youth, not the wasted and aged, Where sex remains sweet only in memory, and always bitter in the awakening."
I found this statement extremely sad! Yet inspiring
It is a darker twist on erotica, Hope it works.
In a list
A contest entry
- The Best Prewrites on Ap by Night Terrors.
400 points, ended May 25, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 55 of 55
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i have weakness for sentiment too,but very pretty illustration of a misunderstood vocabulary of a cynic,lol
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Recalling the swirl,
when taste and touch
would dance.
Lips locked with lips.
Siphoning the decadent
saturation of bliss.
yep, I feeeeeeeeeeel this one, lovely lady.
I can feel it in every part of my mind.
You are some kind of wonderful writer, do you know that?
yep, tell everyone Jin said so
Loves ya,
jin
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hmm what an unusual take on sex. I think this was sexy and sad, and very well written. I really liked this poem.
The Positives:
Some great imagery and emotion in this I really felt your sadness. It was odd to find it in such a normally happy thing. It was a great change of pace.
The Negatives:
None what so ever. I liked this a lot.
My Favorite Part:
Clutched from the depth,
beyond this humid velvet valley.
Crawling deeper and deeper,
beneath tegument horizons.
We’d rise beyond…
then like a feather fall,
still cradled as one
The sweet sadness was very apparent here.
Overall:
I would give this a 8/10 you really did a great job I loved it. Thanks for entering I hope to see you in my future contests.
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~ -
The whole piece is terrific, perfectly balanced imagery....but the close, the close is incredible,
"Our language was fluent.
Yet somehow,
we repeatedly...
misunderstood."
That is an overpowering emotional and poetic disclosure! Amazing poetry.
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Mouth agape wow!!!
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brillaint, a totally different take on erotica !
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WOW!! Congrats on the gold it was well deserved and excellant way to take your friends' quote and write about it. bravo!!
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Deeply felt and sad...age takes a lot from us and tender moments between two lovers should not be one of them...and for many it is not, but for some memories are all they have...this is very touching and very well written...it pulls at the heart strings and makes us all question when that moment may come in life...excellent write...
congrat's on the Gold!
mystic
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That is an AMAZING poem. you are obviously a very gifted poet, and i am suprised that i have not stumbled upon you already. i look foward to reading more by you. Congrats on the trophy and great job ^^
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What can I say
From the comments there is nothing I could add except that someone should publish this. This poem is one of the few I have read on AP that is truely a master piece that translates life to words so that we can all experience the beauty you so well describe. I really felt every word and wish for all my life that I could hear it spoken.
Brill
TC
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Wonderful
Oh my this was great. And so deserving of the gold. Congratulations -
Wow, your imagery here is flawless, I love the way you describe everything with great detail and care. I love it, even if it is on the dark side of erotica.
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Now that was a deep and beautiful longing erotic poem Well done dear.
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What a wonderfully complex and sensual write... And don't believe your friend for a moment
... Congratulations on the Gold... Well deserved!
Ken -
Excellent
Wonderful creation for the contest. So very well done. Congratulations on the gold. -
Nicely said
thoughts of loneliness and thoughts of bed
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excellent~
Wow sis
Congrats on the Gold
Now you get to move on up to Part 2
You go girlfriend...
Very powerful and very vivid...
The imagery in this is awesome....
You have described Bittersweet perfectly
You have used your quill and pen and did wonderful with the prompt...
Cant wait to read Part 2
Be sure to send me an IM and let me know when it's up
Congrats on this worthy Gold Trophy
Hugs
Your sis
Susan~~~~
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Very sad, an I can assure you it is an experience that works 2 ways
great writing and see you in round 2
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Well done beauty! Congratulations on the gold. This piece is truly beautiful.
~Pamela 
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Congrats on gold love you
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This was simply one amazing piece... I don't think there is a woman alive who hasn't been taken for granted at the hands of a spouse or lover... It literally ached with sensual emotion... Ithica
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This is an exellent penning filled with wonderful word playThe imagery is very powerful and vivid.
You have made this man think and that is very rare
Love you hunny, great job
Tony
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Amazing. This piece - you sang in such beautiful recollections here. The style somewhat deeper and darker - which added more meaning to the sensual feel here. I really adored the unique direction and am glad you took this here.
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Hrmmmm
*thinks*
I did not expect to read anything sad.
But...
I like it. You are an amazing writer, sis. -
Ahhh beauty, you have brought me to tears with this one. Beautifully sensual, - ahhh. ~Pamela
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Wow. That was absolutely amazing. I loved it. Wow. Best of luck in the contest. You deserve gold.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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Excellent,
And it was awesome reading you.
Love when you pen on this topic.
Awesome job, and I wish you all the best within the contest!
Much love, Timothy
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This is brilliant and executed with a poetic dexterity that drives emotion deep into the soul. You said in your notes that you “hope it works”. Well, it certainly does work; you penned this with a passionate, vivid and sad image exposing the feelings of times long past. I don’t think I have ever read anything quite like it. Bravo!
Love,
Amera♥
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Oh My Word!
Magnificent piece Hot Momma and when I was reading...I kept seeing that movie: Pretty Baby~ with Brooke Shields Your words grabbed at the Heart~ and tugged at Spirit to he point of questioning~ why do people connect, live a lie at the hips when the hips don't lie
(Thanks Shakira)
I was feeling pity but also a mourning of what was~ and noticed the music played at the *moment* was lost in translation where the beats may have appeared as a duo but in the end, it was more a solo performance
Loved this!!
Keep that quill dancing Beautiful!!
Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
Many blessings to You in the contest Sweet Soul
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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I was drawn into the sadness of, the "what was", of this poem...thoughts and dreams of better days, spent with a lover, who has long since made their life's path away from yours...We all need love and whether one admits it or not, we need to be desired and taken, sexually, as well...This piece is very well written...I am bookmarking this one, as I want to read it again and again, and maybe even take from this and learn to write erotica, but in a way that is outside the box...
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It totally worked,
the inspiration and the poem, left a sad loneliness that is all too familiar, though of opposite sex the emotion is still prevalent.At the same time it gave a stir of wanton desire the hunger of that physical emptiness that makes this am erotically alluring.... and, hmmmmm, .... well, I must refrain from further comment. I do think besides deeply emotionally expressive it is really HOT!
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Awesome piece dearest, the flow and imagery are great and the sentiment is obvious. not sure if it is bittersweet or slightly angry at the loss of something so precious. And by the way erotica is not only for the young, the old like it as well but we have learned to balance between lust and love, which makes things more clear and precious to us. lust is great and never leaves, love is rare and something to be treasured and when you find the balance between the two, then you have something infinitely beautiful.
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I like that.. Easy reading. Deep thought.
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I believe you have captured something very special here. I felt it was very reminescent and in the end very sad. So many different emotions play into this.
**Master Ktulu**
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You did an amazing job with this poem. There were so many emotions sitting just below the surface of the words that rose to greet me when I read them.
The final four lines were sad and described many relationships.
Best wishes in the contest.
Love Margaret
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Sexcellent
Definitly a masterpiece
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This is indeed different, but oh so awesome!!! After reading the poem and then your notes you conveyed your thoughts well. But I have to say your friend has a good point. It reminds me of something my father said to me once: "Perception is Nine-tenths of reality" and once we become older and more seasoned our perceptions tend to change.
Tangent aside, Excellent Piece!!!!!
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Delilah:
OH "Hell yeah" it worked! The everyday three time a day
thing is gone before you know it!
...And yes, only found memeories of thoses days come to
mind, when we are watching TV and th movie is all hot and
steamy, only to wish those days could come back, but,
"nah", fat chance.....
I loved the sincerity in this piece, and the picture it painted,
it was clear, concise, and oh, so, real!
I thank you for sharing with me on this site.....
Blessed be with love and light always,
AngelicMistress...Tanya
:f *hug*
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this ran smooth through your thoughs reading this i like this a whole lot i think you did a marvelous job here
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I really liked it... I thought it was poignant, beautifully written, and yes - it was bittersweet... but after reading the AN's I did't see it as only memory... just a longing for what was... and could be again. Maybe when we hit our 80's your friend will be correct... but who'll remember?
Ken
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Exactly, This speaks of 'the moment'. That one moment when in an orgy of passion two were locked together, for that moment. Then when it is over, you are left clutching nothing but dreams, empty, shallowness.
For a moments pleasure, read a lifetime of hurt. Wonderful deep piece of writing that is thought-provoking too.
With
Dark
Wishes
Wayne Leon
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i like this very much it makes me feel whistfull some how,for things that were once upon a long ago sort of thing.i did really enjoy it,
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You catch well, what happens when we take pleasure from one another instead of sharing. We often act without innocence and without listening, doing what is mechanically correct but what is devastation for the hopes of the heart.
You tied this up nicely and without being out of synch with the rest of the poem. Just the final honest despair.
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Oh My Goddess
Dearest soul, you have done an outstanding job with this, One that does captures the heat of the moment and the sad feelings of the aftermath in the morning hours. This is a true Masterpiece.. one worthy of not only Gold but of the Millions of stars in the heavens.
Riftkin
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Great comment.
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I think who ever said that to you was extremely disappointed after the age of 25!!!!! lol I am here to tell you it only gets better! Slower but much better ...this is good for going outside your safety zone. To write it sensually is always a hard thing to do but you did it quite well. Love, C
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Outstanding!
With the perfection of imagery and emotion you have captured the changes that can take place when love life and sensuality are looked at from another view. The aged view, rarely comes without a fight. A fact of life that most can't roll with the flow. A sad change for some but new adventure for others. You have openned a window of speculation into the facts of life and what can be done to overcome barriers in coping with the changes. Excellent job of writing and using a prompt such as the one you did to open this new field of dreams. I congradulate you! Don
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Such a powerful yet quiet poem
It is not screaming angst, yet pulls at the feeling strongly. I agree, I think I write my best erotica when I am sexually starved, or at least hungry. When my desires are sated,I write more lovey dovey instead of sssssmokin erotica.
Excellent yet sad, bittersweet perfect title.
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Wow
All I can say are the memories are wonderful. So salicious and sensual that it would make any man want back into that womens life
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Yes.. this is all those things!! Sensual, sad and inspiring.. it really is such a gripping read that you have penned brilliantly!!!
I think we have to remember to hold onto our sensuality as much as we can and not let time wear it out of us!
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I think this is excellent - one of your best..I wouldn't change a thing except for taking the period out at the end of L10 and in S5, it needs some work as to the puncuation with capitalization...all small, technical things..but as far as the words of the poem, I would not change a thing, Delila...
"Air always seemed to breathe
sex and excess.
Pleading arches pliant
in and out of dreams.
Your home
was buried inside of me,"
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my pleasure, any time....
and I wanted to add that the silent mattress really sets the tone well at the beginning..I love the personification here, it works SO well...excellent
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Excellent
Awww, this is sad, but so every powerful. A poem that truly grips both heart and soul. Best of luck in the contest
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Damn! This is incredible dear!!! But sad indeed... Such a poignant piece of affection; forsaken - as love peels from the complexity and leaves only remnants behind. Excellent use of imagery and depth - you weave such intensity throughout. And I may sound weird, but this kinda made me tear up over here. (What can I say I am a mushy mushy woman) That last verse just wrapped so much emotion into the depth of it all. I loved this sweetie!!! Excellent penning!!!
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This is simply beautiful
great job Auntie loves it and loves you
Auntie Tory
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