the carpenter was feeling a little board
his wife was washing the dirty wishes
their son was playing on the commuter
and the daughter was at a doctor's anointment
the carpenter thought it was very impotent
to bring home a big enough celery
so he could renumerate their old house
which had fallen into a stake of disrepair
every sunday they went to maths
they figured it would be their salivation
and after words went on a little execution
to visit elderly firm relatives in nursery homes
they were always a happy new clear family
each of them minded their own busyness
and dessicated lives to be good dishonest citizens
in a whirl they didn't understand
A contest entry
- pun-ishing malapropisms by james119.
475 points, ended June 17, 2008, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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What a fun read, Myron I like your play on words, your associations to 'real' family life... lol
Congratulations on the well deserved trophy
Dee
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Loved the title, and the family activities and descriptions. I so enjoyed the "commuter," "impotent," "celery," and "maths" and "nursery homes." Also, "busyness." This was fun!
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reminiscent of 'Charlie Farquarson' indeed, maybe a little 'Tigger' too.
washing the dirty wishes
doctor's anointment
relatives in nursery homes
some lines I enjoyed
Thanks for entering -
Amusing and keeps to the point.
I really liked the conclusion. It reiterated the whole theme even with all the misunderstandings. Nice work. return the favor? -
Every time I read this I get something new from it. Very well done.
"to visit elderly firm relatives in nursery homes"
That line is so clever! I took me several reads to get the "firm relatives" part. I love it.
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this is an interesting play on words, and well written. best of luck in the contest.
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Nit-picks:
"as the daughter was at a doctor's annointment"
- I think you might want to consider "and" instead of "as". I think it's just a context issue, more than anything else. I'm not loving the "ing" words in the first few lines, but they aren't bad either. They do add to the flow, regardless. Oh and "annointment" is actually spelled "anointment".
I love the uniqueness of the second stanza. With the celery imagery and the word "impotent". You can really see the underlining message there. Kind of sexual, but not completely.
I'm assuming you meant "after words" instead of "afterwards"? I'm sure you did, but I thought I'd mention it anyways. I can envision words going to their execution...So yes it is possible I am just seeing something else there, which was not intended.
I loved how you used the word "busyness". Very sly myron. And your final line is fantastic!
I feel like this is a very unique play of common words and you wanted to play around with each readers perceptions. There is almost a booming mocking voice which pokes me along the way.
Very different stuff here, myron.
;
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