In my pile of drenched tissues
Filled with mascara stains
Melancholy memories of you
Linger beside every wiped tear
My heart carries the burden
Of keeping precious moments
Lit in every candle of my soul
Moments that swept past like a breeze
Between the cracks of sorrow
That I’ve slipped into, hitting rock bottom
A gleaming light, a ray of sunlight is shone
And I know hope is on its way
~
Author notes
http://it-i-laf.deviantart.com/art/goodbye-darkness-27632781
A contest entry
- PIF PROMPT CONTEST by penman.
700 points, ended June 13, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Simple Beauty by Sunkissed xo.
620 points, ended December 11, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lots and lots of options! I want as many entries as possible! :D by FluorescentFixation.
900 points, ended May 6, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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good
mascara stained tissues that now form your life..wow....graphiac and so attention grabbing sadness...check some of mine if you love sadness -
this is brilliant...
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that was such a good write I'm still getting over it writing this XD, Thanks for the comment by the ways
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i like this a lot except the repetition of light in the second to last line it sucks something out of the otherwise perfect piece
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So dark at the beginning, I was surprised how it got brighter at the end. My favorite part was:
"keeping precious moments
Lit in every candle of my soul"
Wow those words were just so beautiful. I could definitely see what you described.
I loved your powerful use of imagery. This really fit the picture. It was short but profound.
Great write and good luck in the contest! -
Another great one!
I reall wish i read this last year after my break-up, i like how you make it seem sad at first then add in hope. This is a must read after a break up!
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wow, that's lovely! very well written and truly conveys the emotion you're trying to express.
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Hmm... This might have worked better if you had focused mostly on one image, like the cracks of sorrow for instance. You could have figured your heart as a seed or something, and like the hope is sunshine coming down, and in the end a shoot comes out of the cracked ground seeking a new love, or whatever. Passing through images, from one on to the next, I thought maybe you touched them too lightly, and a lot of the uses felt too familiar. I was going to recommend a poem to you, but instead I will recommend the authr because I can't find the poem. Here's a link to Mina Loy at Oldpoetry:
http://oldpoetry.com/oauthor/show/Mina_Loy
You may like her. I hope so. -
very nice work you are brilliant very nicely put keep it up,,,,
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Your entire poem is awesome. I love the imagery in the best stanza. I think any women can relate, but not just that, it is penned perfectly. However, i do wish there was a clue in the poem to why the speaker is sad.
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this poem is beautiful, i love the meaning behind it. this is not exactly what i was looking for in my contest but it is still really good!
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Amazing I loved it and your talent shines
Well done on your Trophies and I hope in time you enter my contests ..
you are a star
Best wishes Julie
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This is a beautiful write.
It's the silver lining behind the clouds...
I love the way you've done it, I love the hope, in this beautiful piece.Keep it up!
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Love it. Your poems are great. Beautifully expressed.
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Beautiful. I loved it. You kept me lingering on every one, sampling it and waiting for the next one....Awesome and deep write. thanks for the share!
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This poem is beautiful and very deep, the meaning u are trying to get across just slapped me in the face. Goood Job
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This is so beautiful. Your words lift my heart and soul up from the darkness of sorrow and bring me up to the sunshine: "a gleaming light, a ray of sunlight is shone." I think so many people will be able to take comfort in this tender, stirring write. You write very well with a wonderful use of vocabulary and expression. Well done on a fabulous write! Much deserving of the gold trophy. Thanks so much for entering the contest
Peace ♥ -
awesome! :)
wow some hidden talent can't believe u girl! coolz continue....... omg Breathe.... people people this girl has got some talent -
this is great
really well written..
great job on the prompt especcially
and congrats on gold!
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Poignant
Congrats on your deserved success with this poem. I liked the way you employed effective metaphors and the clever use of alliteration in the first verse complements the theme of the poem. I don't know why exactly but I think you are a very genuine young lady - thank God ! Tony x
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it's not hard to know why this won the gold trophy
i love your writing! :]
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Hope
As a song once went.. Precious and few are the moments we too can share...And hope is the one contstant we need to cling to.. Love.. maybe a lost art poet. -
i can see y this write won the trophy it is very nice i loved it keep up the great work young writer are the ones to show is up and keep it up....
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Amazing
The power of a true poets words. Hope springs eternal and the world can smile for a young poet has blossomed. Write on young poet.
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I had A FEEL YOU WERE AWARE HOW POWERFUL HOPE AND FAITH ARE.
VERY INSPIRATIONAL SOULFUL WRITE YOUNG LADY
GOD BLESS...
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words dont quite flow, they're a bit jagged.
its a nice write though. -
Very well done. Extremely emotional. Don't stay on the bottom for too long. When hope finally comes the light may burn your eyes and then you might miss it.
Tal.
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WOW....DID I JUST SAY WOW?!This is sooooo sweet.Touching,sentimental,heartbreaking and hopeful.Most excellent write.
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just so you don't smack off the wrong parts
keep these:
Between the cracks of sorrow
hitting rock bottom
a ray of sunlight is shone.
•the other parts I meant to see leave,
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I enjoyed reading this poem very much.
♦Melancholy memories of you
Linger beside every wiped tear
♦Moments that swept past like a breeze
•♦•Between the cracks of sorrow
That I’ve slipped into, hitting rock bottom
A gleaming light, a ray of sunlight is shone
This one could use a reduction though.
Between the cracks of sorrow
hitting rock bottom
a ray of sunlight is shone.
◙unless of course you had a syllable count or the likes. But I think it would be smoother edited♥♥
Fine job
mammi
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Love it!
You took us down to the bottom, where life seems hopeless. Then just when all was fading, you gave a ray of hope. Life really does go on. Even in the darkest of times, light is there , waiting for us to reach out for it.
Beautifully written,
KoS
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Wow, this is really beautifully written. It's dark but sad. And the ending was the best of all. Even though, it's a dark and sad poem, there is still hope in it. It's beautiful.
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interestung
this is good. I liked your metaphore of candles in your soul... Almost like they could be blown out?
Good write!
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Gorgeous
This piece was perfect. I am so happy to have read such a beautifully written poem of feelings and emotions. For a writer to present such work of art is talent beyond talent. Thank you for sharing and you've done well here.
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You are the BEST
This piece...wow so strong and its so true. I'm a guy and I don't usually cry into tissues lol but I know what you mean;
"Melancholy memories of you
Linger beside every wiped tear"
When I cry for her shes ALL I think of; as if I feel her come out of every tear in my eye. WOW I love this. The end shows hope which is always a positive; but what is hope really? Ah well, leave that discussion for another day. Great writing, keep it going my dear! 8/10!
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I like this one because the visual representation it creates can make the reader feel the pain, even though it is not directly described.
Short poems like this are great because it can get a point across in a short amont of time while still being powerful and with flow.
gj -
This is lovely and I loved how this ending was so different to the rest of the poem. Well done and all the best for the contest.
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I love the way you use darkness to make the reader engage and then get surprised at the end with your contrasting ending.
Thanks for the great read.
x
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awesome poem, it conveys the pain of the heart to words so poeple can attepmt to understand it. but can anyone ever really completely understand the extent of the pain of another? great poem, keep writing and congrats on the gold!
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HEY YOU
woah this is awesome- both the poem and the GOLD!! woo-hoo you are amazing at this aren't you 
&& by the way tons of congratz I know you are SO happy now
*heads over to see your PIF*
LOVEZIES YOUS.
-char-
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ooh.. this is a very uplifting poem indeed (:
congrats on the gold! cool; you won PENMAN'S CONTEST
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Between the cracks of sorrow
That I’ve slipped into, hitting rock bottom
A gleaming light, a ray of sunlight is shone
And I know hope is on its way
Excelent. Congratulation on GOLD. I proud of you.
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Wonderful
Very well done. best of luck in the contest.
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Wow...this one is stunning! I love love love it. And I like the ending, because hope is always on it's way. Very well done.
Keep writing
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I like the ray of sunlight between the craks of sorrow. A good take on this prompt.
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Yes a dark Poem with a happy ending. Fantastic. Theres nothing wrong with having a completely dark poem, but your able to express hope and peace through the sorrow you represent it makes for an amazing poetic experience.,
I love You and your Poem!!!!! -
My heart carries the burden
Of keeping precious moments
Lit in every candle of my soul
Moments that swept past like a breeze
Between the cracks of sorrow
That I’ve slipped into, hitting rock bottom
A gleaming light, a ray of sunlight is shone
And I know hope is on its way wow this is sad but brilliant with some beautiful lines in good luck in the contest
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