They had moved his antique desk
into the private ward.
Its ornate mahogany
revolted against the sterile
blankness
of the stark, white walls
and pallid curtains.
From outside his door,
ajar,
I watched him mark upon the notebooks
left for him—
first one, then another and another,
then back to the first
—fitful hieroglyphics.
I wondered did he read them;
was he still parsing Latin verbs,
deciphering quantum mechanics
and making love to me with poems
about lilies and water brooks?
His shoulders hunched over.
He was not
a shell of the man he had been--
but all of himself.
Only, all at the same time,
so that little of him
could be recognized.
Author notes
PROMPT: Tell me a story, give me an analogy, create a character.
"He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."
---Clarence Budington Kelland
In a list
A contest entry
- Character, Analogy, Story by CarolDesjarlais.
875 points, ended June 14, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This is a true "read between the lines" poem, where the reader connects the dots, using the descriptions you give. I admire your style in this poem very much. The ornate desk against white walls and pallid curtains speak of a (once?) influential man who is now institutionalized, perhaps mentally ill or senile, perhaps in a hospital or nursing home. His "fitful hieroglyphics - pretending to do important work, perhaps?
He's proud, perhaps pompous, absorbed, keeping up appearances...
The final 2 stanzas make me ponder - not a shell of a man, but all of himself, at once.
This is a startling concept to me, but one, that once I mull it over, makes sense.
A skillful, effective poem with a great ponder affect.
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I loved the characterization of this man you've portrayed - and it was kinda of cool how at the same time characterization came through of the first person in the write...wonderfully penned, ten.
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what a beautiful composition. i love the wonderful insights and emotions you share in this piece "and making love to me with poems
about lilies and water brooks?"
these lines are my favorites, excellent and well done.
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So poignant, so much of the characters lives are implied by the visual setting, and these few actions and moments described... excellent!
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Good Stuff
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Good Stuff
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Now this is art. Every word is truly a stroke in this. I like it lots, sis. Obviously, you can add to it. No beginning. No end. And I can say: you left me wanting more. But honestly, I'm never that curious as this is just a glipse in someone's window. That flickering screen showing reruns of the "Drew Carey Show" in some first floor apt on my way home with Chinese take out. I like the show but I don't wanna look through someone's window to watch it. Write on. One.
Dez
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Oh my ~
It takes real talent to create chractor, and tell a story befitting at the same time ~
The visionary journey you took me on was beautiful.......the imagery made me stand there and watch him ~
Making love to you with poems about lillies and water brooks........*sigh* ~
Absolutely adored this write......the best to you and your entry,
God bless you,
Bear ~
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Instantly intriquing and increasingly gripping. You inspire so many questions with this vivid, poignant piece. Who is he? What is the setting? Why is he here? And most importantly what is the writer's relationship to him?
This would be a great start to a novel or short story. So when do we get to read the rest of the story?
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Oh, this has tendrils to it that weave and almost take root, but then the reader is taken to another weaving...how awesome this poem is..... ty poet for entering.
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This is so greast tem...perfect, I should say;f
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Fascinating title. It could be your memoirs of experiences with, or changes you saw develop in a loved one; or the writings from a straying mind, disjointed and overlapping; or a gratitude he had previously written down some of his vivid life in memoirs.
Precious "fitful hieroglyphics," and entirely delightful 4th stanza. Loved the "still parsing Latin verbs" and "making love to me with poems."
Tender telling of changes that can remove loved ones from the intimacy of understanding and support we once shared so easily. Intensely difficult.
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"and making love to me with poems
about lilies and water brooks?"
beautiful poetry
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Just wonderful reading here. Love, Lane
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Just exquisite my dear, a lovely response to the quote and prompt. Love, C
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What a stunning responsee to the prompt! I really felt I was there and you certainly made him come to life in my mind, as you sat back and watched this, klnowing him better that he realised.
A very special write, but then all or yours are
All the best with this.
Gaylene
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