As I watch the candle burn,
Down the wick
Lower and lower,
I realise how it is a symbol of our love.
Beautiful to watch the flame
As it flickers with the slightest breeze,
The more it burns,
The less time we have of light.
The more burning,
The less time we have with one another.
Nearing the end,
I blow it out.
Nothing remaining but the wax which shows us what once used to be...
A lovely candle.
Author notes
Option 4.
PoisonousBeauty
A contest entry
- Plethora of Options! by Chocoholic156.
650 points, ended June 28, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
how about it guyz?
Comments
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This is a nice poem. It fits the way that some love fades or is snuffed out over time. Great take on the prompt.
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I like how you picked the candle, I love candles. But, a couple
I realise how it is a symbol of our love.
The first thing is that you spelled realize wrong. Also, that line doesn't flow very well, plus, the love that you tried to incorrporate in there didn't really work, you were just sort of talking, no real flow or rhythm. I am sorry, maybe you would like to try and rewrite it.
The one part I do like, is the part where you talk about it burning. Good luck and thank you for enterring. -
don't you dare delete this! this is lovely. short and very very sweet.
~love lae xxx
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