I'm done living like every second should be a thriller;
haven't quite found god yet,
but I've finally lost my dealer
I'm not a saint, but I don't huff paint,
and I'm tired of making girls cry;
where I'm at might not be where it's at,
but it's better than what I left
I've popped the pills,
mades the deals,
lived my life for the minute,
but outta the blur they ain't her,
and I'm not me in it
I'm social anxiety,
let the bong pass by me,
more than three people freak me out
I'm nine o' clock be at home,
watching Johhny Bravo,
then go to bed,
after I stroke the bone
I'm dragon twisting,
angry fisting,
"don't park in my yard"
it's not much but I've worked hard
I'm red neck,
lift my hair- check,
it's that way all year round
I'll admit,
I had to quit,
and I cried when they put grandpa in the ground
I have no job,
six inches,
and I'm proud,
-except for the last part
some women like me,
but only a few,
I was in love and everyone knew,
she was the one and still has my heart
I'm number two,
and know my place,
say to hell with the aryian race,
and most likely to you
I'll dance despite the fact
that I really don't know how,
and recognise how hard farmers work,
and regret shooting that cow
riased in a trailer,
born in the belt,
I used to laugh in the face of God,
but just today I knelt
Author notes
I realized that my life style hurt the ones I love the most so I spent a month hiding from everyone I know so I could stop doing drugs I quite everything cold turkey and it was the most painful thing I ever did(and I mean physical pain withdrawls are a bitch) so now with the clearity of a level head I decided to write something to commemorate the occasion becuase I'm finally done
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Exquisite!
Wow! Quite a gut punch of a poem here.
You can tell truth a mile away with your eyes shut and the drapes drawn when it screams at you in pain. You took me to the Dark Side with you and I feel lucky to have gotten out alive. Its snakey and not-so-pretty there....but the reality is worth it.
Sometimes, the truth of Beauty just ain't pretty. And this is truth in the raw....Beauty first-thing-in-the-mornin'-haven't-even-had-my-coffee real. I loved it.
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Congratulations on becoming clean - my brother did and I know it is hard. I love this poem, it is so honest and there are concepts you have written about that have blown me away. The way you seem to hope god will replace the role your dealer once played in your life - awesome. Also the way things are not perfect but you aren't complaining - just telling it like it is, I really appreciate that. Keep writing and people will keep reading
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Humm..somehow sharing the words with us is a job specified for intimacy of the thoughts..yet its intimacy makes curious for the immages around the words...well concieved thought...
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In the 3rd stanza .. "I've popped the pills, / mades the deals," I think you meant just "made" and not "mades"?
I have seen firsthand how drugs and alcohol can wreak havoc on someone's mind .. a friend of mine has drug-induced paranoid skitsophrenia .. he was a perfectly normal guy, now he has to have a legal guardian to handle his money and take him grocery shopping .. a grown man, and he's scared to death that he might've signed his soul over to the devil while playing with incense in the dark. Another friend, my boyfriend's cousin, can't travel faster than 50 on the road without having a panic attack, because he's turned so paranoid and anxious from too many drugs, and never talks to anyone he doesn't know, unless he's forced to, because he thinks they're plotting against him.
Congratulations for going clean .. it IS hard, but .. I'm sure you'd prefer the pain of withdrawal, to the alternative consequences! -
I loved the throw-it-back-in-your-face feel about it. It really IS a beautiful piece of work. The only critique I have is the last line: instead of "but just today I knelt," how about rearranging it to read,
"but today I just knelt." I feel like that would pose the threat of all that happening again if your not careful/at your own whim. I've read the Author's notes, and I admire both this piece and you. Great work :^)
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Very Bold Dedication!
This piece is so raw, and it feels so unfiltered... I like the honesty and the humanity within the write. A very invigorating and refreshing piece! Well written and a solid 3 clappies and lots more applause than just that! Keep the muse alive!
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This is one of the most honest and personal writes I have seen on this site. It could use a bit of refining in places, but then again, is any poem ever really complete? I suggest coming back to look at it in a few weeks and then deciding if you want to change anything. Otherwise, I felt very connected to the humanity of the subject while reading this. It was refreshing, thank you.
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Congragulations on the quit. I am sure you are finding well worth it despite the pain you went through. Life I am told is worth so much more then huffing pain sharing needles adn doing all kinds of drugs. Good job on the poem I really like it the imagry is very well done the flow is superb and the rhythm is well done. Thank you for sharing this with us
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Wow...this is a great write...dreadfully honest...I admire your strength and vision and will... you're ahead of the rest of the ppl your age and half those twice as old! Nice write! Something I needed to read!
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I really like this. I like the honest, raw, unpolished style you have in all your works.
Just a couple of spelling errors:
"I had to quite"
- should be "quit" not "quite"
"I was in love and everyone new"
- should be "knew" where you have "new"
Your punctuation's all over the place too, and your grammar isn't great, but I kind of like that. I think it suits your style of writing, and it's real, and it's raw.
Keep it up.
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thanks when I write I usually do it as a spur of the moment thing and don't check spelling at all my browser did have a spell check but I guess it stopped working and as far as grammer I just try to punctuate so it can be read the way I speak because a miss read poem is terrible, thanks for reading and I'm glad you liked it and thanks for reading my work
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