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cloud

 

 

An enormous eagle flew over my house tonight.
Its wingspan went from one end of town
to the other. Its beak was sharp and clearly hooked.
Its left eye looked down at me. For a second
I thought it might swoop, I could feel its talons
pick me up, but I know the sky can’t fall,
I think it shifted long enough to lift
my spirit and then everything dispersed,
slowly soaring out of my view.



























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Comments

1 - 48 of 48

  • Thoughts-of-Soloman gold member
    September 20

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    'Transcendence' comes immediately to mind.

    The small and limited yearning to be taken into the freedom of the large and wide, awesomely beautiful in comparison.
    Cloud gazing usually brings this feeling to me and I think this an excellent take on the prompt!

    Sol



  • Mairi bheag gold member
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    Just to inform myself, I ran down your comments, and saw that this had won admiration from some people whose judgment (and poetry) I respect.

    I like it anyway - never mind them LOL. Whilst it doesn't shake me to the core, I love the idea behind it, the eagle-shaped cloud. I love the way you parallel the dispersal of the cloud with your transient emotions. The image of the cloud dispersing as though its wisps were "soaring", the dispersal being sudden and upwards - that was tangible.


  • Cherokee
    July 16

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    lol... duh, leave it to me to state the obvious when the poem is called CLOUD. LMAO! I'm quick like that. I still love this.

  • Cherokee
    July 16
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    I'm thinking it's a cloud poem. I love this!


  • adsaige gold member
    July 5

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    beautiful. perhaps i should
    ask you to become my tutor...
    or mentor...i would really love
    to be your protogee. such
    beautiful words that you...
    i'm insanely jealous and
    in awe.

  • bird at rose gold member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply

    You've exceeded what might just be a poem's 'poetential,' you've done it!

    I was like blown away by the way you patchworked only a flash of fear, actually building to a treasure, soon it isn't ironic anymore. I love how you give me snippets of thought through each sentence, and "Its wingspan went from one end of town to the other" is such a yardstick of poetry. Sometimes, looking far out, things appear smaller, though it still takes a bird optically like this to cover the whole foundation from sight. And, for it to be like a vapor shadow, it should be big, not taking long to pass each block.

    Your title is a great pick, I can see why it would be tight from many parts. "Its beak was sharp and clearly hooked" flowed right into the momentary story, I want to read more to see why these details are so elegant, and it must be at very little distance from you. Nice how you move me right back to the water cycle in line six, almost as if you're saying 'wait a minute,' is this a dream? What especially allowed it to transform, was it's the only way here to easily illustrate your beauty in the ending.

    Everything stays align with if you've ever watched a nubilous, the shape constantly changes and rolls. I was about to say ouch, then the significant originality of it taking hold of a portion of you, which is only your happiness; what a professional play on words there.

    Nature scripts are my favorite in poetry when it is in-depth enough to share,
    Daisy

  • Namita silver member
    June 29

    Edit | Reply
    Great write - the imagery is just breathtaking... and oh, I just love EAGLES!! The title immediately reminded me of "I wandered lonely as a cloud"- if you would have written this poem about a cloud, I would have kicked you. But of course, I know you wouldn't. Lol. I'm weird.


  • Harrisham Minhas
    June 24
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    That's a wonderful write.


  • Tennessee-Joe silver member
    June 22
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    Most excellent

    Perfect imagerty.
    Joe


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    June 22
    Edit | Reply

    clean and original

    There are no awkward notes here. The poet said exactly what the poet intended to say without overworked imagery or cliche. The resolution of the soaring eagle metaphor at the last moment shows a deft hand.


  • poeticweaver gold member
    June 17

    Edit | Reply

    Wow,

    Such an amazing portrait within your words view!
    Some awesome imagery here, thanks for sharing you!

    -Timothy


  • myrataal silver member
    June 16

    Edit | Reply

    Sometimes poetry ...

    becomes a cosmic placement; a universe; a sensation of expansion.

    This is what I think you felt, and this is what your Muse inspired me to see:

    the metaphor became me ... when cloud became eagle and eagle became poet and poet became reader.

    captured ...
    for I
    saw you

    Beautiful poetry.
    I love it when punctuation becomes functionally poetic.



    Myra


  • monstruo
    June 15
    Edit | Reply
    wonderful poetry, as I've come to expect from you March.
    I love your language here.

  • Nangaleema
    June 14

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    this is an uplifting read.
    one of the many things I enjoy about your poetry is the care and thought you place in choosing the title. I think titles are so important and yours are never meer reiterations of the poem. instead your titles Add something to the overall experience of the poem.
    always a pleasure. - NANGALEEMA


  • Zayra Yves gold member
    June 14
    Edit | Reply
    wow! I love eagles! wonderful poem.

  • Virgoan
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    I haven't seen an eagle and my country has one of the best flora and fauna. We even have an endemic eagle species - "The Philippine Eagle" which is the second largest eagle in the world.

    Figuratively, the imagery of this and the imagination innate to this leaves me breathless. Beautiful!

    Keep sharing Tara


    HENSLEY

  • celadia
    June 13

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    I saw an eagle when I visited my Dad, it's nice to be able to look up and see a cloud so beautiful and they are beautiful birds.

    • ardentMarch gold member
      June 13
      Edit | Reply
      thank you..they are very beautiful, yes....I love them, and I don't usually write about birds..lolol... but it is what I saw & how I was feeling at the time so I mixed my current feelings with the eagle cloud imagery...I don't really know where I am going with this, but yeah..lol.
  • silverfish
    June 13

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    to me (sensing that this is somewhere over water and high desert in british columbia) the poem's romanticised spirit, pairing the shapes of soft cumulus and of the raptor taloned, sharp beaked, portends a cleansing story in the mythical proportions of a thunderhead.


  • Moqui Takoda
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    This is a nice looking poem. I love the punctuation, and the periods right smack dab in the middle of lines, unusual, but very effective. It serves as a dramatic pause (a ceasura). I love your last four lines. The thought that the cloud has served a purpose; its beauty and awesome size has brought you into yourself, and then out again, yet, there is a nice ambiguity which is very effective: the final line ... 'soaring' ... it has changed shape yet still soars, the way a cloud should, and it has brightened your life for a little while, or for a long time ... good ambiguity because it is not unclear, and because it is true ... we can never be sure we shall hold onto moments when our heart sighs, and sometimes we can and sometime we cant ... like a cloud.

    great title


    Cloud


    ,,,peace

    Moqui


  • Pure Thought silver member
    June 12
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    NIce cloud

    well penned. Send more... clouds and words.


  • Hulali
    June 12

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    beautiful. I instinctively read this line "Its eye looked right down at me" like this, "Its right eye looked down at me" and I guess I liked that specificity better.


    • ardentMarch gold member
      June 12
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      thank you...yep, you're 'right' lol...changing that..great comment happy to see you back

  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    June 12

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    I detect a slight change in your style my dear, which I find just as fascinating as your imagination.


    Love and peace always,
    mj.


  • faderman1959 silver member
    June 12

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    I love staring up at the clouds and seeing different images in them. Haven't done it in a long time! I shall have to do it again soon! A real pleasure to read!


  • Peteskid gold member
    June 12

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    The eagle, a symbol ...powerful life spirit and the lifting of one's spirit seems so natural, like a deep breath in meditation...I like this a lot... very thoughtful words...PK


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    June 12

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    i love the conversational tone of the piece, what seems as simple storytelling at first blush reveals a much deeper metaphor within...

    very nicely done


  • Dalaney gold member
    June 12

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    Tara...visually, your poetry is always thrilling, poetically, I simply fallllll into your hands. I love this. Lane


  • amid unnaked things
    June 12
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  • paulcreates silver member
    June 12

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    *said in thundering voice*
    "Mam THAT was the the YOU-nited States Air Force at your service!!" *salutes*



    Paul

    (p.s.: Very nicely written Tara)


  • Gaze silver member
    June 12

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    I'm really enjoying your poems/prose (proem) lately.
    You have come with a different way to show your thoughts. Your words come with your usual soft tone, yet bring along something more solid than just thoughts.
    It feels like Tara's mind exposed
    This one has a mystical feel without being off reality.
    Well done sweet friend

    Your dots are shining
    °°°


  • Pretani gold member
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Tara, is this a new style then? You seem to be writing one or two prose lately. Was this your guiding animal in a Shamanic dream?


    • ardentMarch gold member
      June 12
      Edit | Reply
      lolol...thanks, Heath, nope, I was outside last night and looked up & this is what I saw and felt, came in the house & wrote this in about one minute LOL

      Yeah - this is my 'new' style, I suppose

  • apples fell gold member
    June 12

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    This poem felt so detailed. Like a little poem story. I do wonder if this line is too long..."I think it came down only long enough to lift". My suggestion would be to see if you could trim it a bit. Maybe only keep the words the are completely needed? I could be wrong but there is my take on it, at least.

    I really love the eagle imagery. Fresh.

    ;


    • ardentMarch gold member
      June 12
      Edit | Reply
      thanks so much, James...yeah, I agree with you, I took 'only' out

      • apples fell gold member
        June 12
        Edit | Reply

        Glad to be of service, tara.
        And yes without the "only" it makes a big difference!


  • Sonja silver member
    June 12

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    WAW....!!! Imagination beyond imagination! A kind of poetry I feel myself...
    ~Sonja~


  • Faithbound gold member
    June 12

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    This reminds me of the clouds I seen tonight. We have been without power for five days now. It just came back on. Awhile ago, I was sitting out watching the sky. The clouds were shaped like a giant hand, holding a spinning vortex of bodies and faces. Not sure what it means. Maybe that no matter what we are in His hands. Good poetry.

  • dewbee
    June 12

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    good

    i actually read it first as saying " an enormous edge flew over my house" and then realised my mistake on second reading..... lovely, it reminded me of the poet's "Time...... Like a vast shadow mov'd..."


  • arafura
    June 12

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    Deep and in some ways pensive Tara. I sense a feeling of vulnerability and sadness. Wonderfully well written.


  • Nicolette gold member
    June 12

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    Somehow this poem made me think of a Native American saying "there are always a thousand suns behind the clouds". A wonderful metaphorical piece, Tara....lovely sense of drifting here. Well done!!

    ~ Nicolette

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