In this matter of great and macabre bliss,
The life I once had: gone, stolen with every kiss.
Morbid hopes and drunken fantasies, now lost,
Thanks to you, who left me to die in the frost.
I laid in wait with much elation;
I thought I would have salvation.
It seems that all that was said
Is no longer alive, and must be dead.
Time for another round of peace,
Though I doubt I can restrain the beast.
Too many candles and not enough flame,
Tis all and all just a fractured game.
My, my, how the happiness flies by
Me and all the innocent, censure lies.
Malevolence played a part here and there,
Minding, of course, all those who care.
Though the present is filled with much hate,
Time will surely congest the dreadful fate.
Tame the vile fiend, and love shall succeed,
Trawling to and fro until done is the deed.
I've got a bullet and I've got a gun;
This is the end, for I truly am done.
My heart and mind are no longer whole;
Tonight will be my final stroll.
Author notes
prompt:
"I give up, I am tired of trying."
*EDIT:
NOT a suicide poem. Just an account of someone taking one last stand, knowing there is no hope in giving one more try to defend what they believe in.
more lines added and the message is completed more still!
comments and critique welcomed!
Hope you Enjoy and God Bless!
A contest entry
- HURRY ONLY 20 MIN by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended June 12, 2008, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A quick one for the best! by Peachy.
1800 points, ended July 6, 2008, 36 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRWRITE CONTEST FOR ALL by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended August 2, 1022 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any thoughts or feeling provoked by this?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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we all can see a bit of ourselves in your write
as you know it is here most cry to our Lord.
sad but true
brilliantly written
well deserving of the awards
God bless you my friend...
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WOW!!!
First of all, I'd like to say that I hope this is only a character in the poem and not you with these suicidal thoughts. Secondly, this is a great piece, all your fluid lines jumped out and grabbed my attention, especially the third stanza:
"Time for another round of peace,
Though I doubt I can restrain the beast.
Too many candles and not enough flame,
Tis all and all just a fractured game."
You ARE a talented poet, and I thank you for sharing. Congratulations on the shinies!!! Take care, Cyn 
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Damn, I'm normally not fan of suicide type writes, but this has great imagery. Pretty deep too.
"Too many candles and not enough flame" <---especially deep line
This is great, your a talent keep writing
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ohhhh.... good write even if I don't like suicide poetry. Just turns me off trekkergirl
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I love the last two stanzas, especially.
"Tame the vile fiend, and love shall succeed,
Trawling to and fro until done is the deed."
Great write, thanks for entering
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great i loved this muh. favorite part was when you said "I laid in wait with much elation;
I thought I would have salvation.
It seems that all that was said
Is no longer alive, and must be dead.
Time for another round of peace,
Though I doubt I can restrain the beast.
Too many candles and not enough flame,
Tis all and all just a fractured game." thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
..<3..
Shelly -
Said very well.
I like how you used your words, a suicide but done with grace and taste
At times the rhyme seemed a little forced but it's minor and hardly noticeable so thank you!
It flowed nicely and had good meaning.
Thanks for the entry! -
well near the end the rhyming seemed forced, but your meaning was tragic.. it gave me emotion, but not enough.. if you had put maybe some more feeling, a longer poem, it wouldve been great.. i wish you the best of luck and thanks for entering.
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Powerful piece...sending out a determined message..Good rhythm too..Congrats on the silver!
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wow, the powerful emotions displayed here are so amazing. I want to thank you fellow friend and poet for going to all this work to shorten it.
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you finished it. didn't I say 20-30 words. LOL. It's okay.
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ahh your so sweet
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