There was a time when she beheld this man in such a glorious, valiant light
She couldn’t have known that a silent storm approached this placid night
As always, they sat down to dinner though his eyes screamed of discontent
And with that, this sense of trepidation within her began to circumvent
Then suddenly, unexpected and for no reason she could have perceived
His words came harsh and blinding in a tone she couldn’t believe
He had met another, he said, she was young, exciting and new
And he thought he loved her still but felt it something he should pursue
He seemed to have no qualms about leaving her sitting there alone
With nothing but blatant disbelief and a future now unknown
Fragile and lost, a familiar place so quickly turned sullen and bare
A night uprooted amid shadows cast in the disclosure of an affair
The champagne glasses upon the table, surreal and out of place
The empty chair across from her now a stymied empty space
Author notes
Prompt 1 Word Bank: Valiant, Placid, Sullen, Trepidation, Reason, Fragile, Surreal, Stymied, Champagne
A contest entry
- Various Prompts by Errant Panther.
460 points, ended June 13, 2008, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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The unsuspecting soul is always the last to know.
Sadly so many face this disclosure in life,hopefully they pick up the pieces and move on with their lifes.Much wiser and stronger in their future choices.
Great story line which captures ones interst from begionning to end.
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Incredible! All this from a word bank? Girl, you've got talent!
I love love LOVE this one!
The rhyme, by the way, was perfectly done. This is the kind of rhyme I have respect for!
What a story, too! You had so much character development and plot in only a handful of lines.
Like I said, you have a lot of talent!
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Thank you so much for reading and all of your amazing comments, you are very sweet!
Sometimes, when I can't seem to find anything to write even though I feel like I really want to write, I hunt for a word bank and sometimes I'm lucky enough to find one that will inspire something
THANK YOU! ♥
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All I can say about this is....
I just hope it is an old story
The wording was wonderful..intelligent
But it breaks my heart...another piece of the pisces
Beautiful!
Keep them comin!
Much, much love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thank You very much! You know I love when you read and comment ♥
It's not a story that pertains to me, just what the word bank inspired...although I've experienced a likelihood, emotionally, long ago...so I guess on some subconscious level perhaps it influenced my imagination here.
Thank You again
Love ♥
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WOW! Great job (and congrats on the trophy)
Seriously...when I first clicked I will admit I totally thought the same thing (as another comment below) that your lines were too long...but then I started to read and damn if you didnt pull THAT off....TOTALLY made it work.....this is your first poem I have read so I dont know if this is just your style or what...but how your lines get a teeny bit smaller as it goes down kinda speeds up the story and makes it more climactic. AWESOME!
Your use of uncommon words rocks and makes me want to read more of you. (which I am going to do now, so bye )
Jamie
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Oh wow.
I reallly really liked those words. Goood choices!!!!! Especially trepidation and stymied cause I had to look em up! HAHA! Hm. But I also like the phrases you put them in. My favorite lines were the ones at the beginning and the end. I absolutely LOVE the last 3 lines! Amazzzing!
It's a very sad tale, happens to alot of people, guys can be real pigs sometimes
We just kick em' back to mars where their butts belong. Mwahahaha....
Anyways, congradulations you deserve that trophey big time! AND TAKE IT WITH PRIDE!! and do that cool little beauty pagent wave heehee...(i can never do it, its to tempting to go into a hand puppet motion)
Awesome write though any way you slice it.
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When I first glanced at this I thought that the lines were way too long for a poem but you did a good job with it. It's pretty fun to read through and you keep the rhythm throughout the poem at a constant. Good job with that.
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Wonderful job with the word bank. Great use of vocabulary and a tight rhyme scheme make this flow well despite the line length. Deeply emotive tale of love that felt secure and then disappeared into the mists. Well done and best wishes.
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Ah, how full of hurt! How sharp it comes, because he kept it in for so long and let it build up. I guess that's what happens when you don't let out your true feelings while they're still just a tiny spark inside. That was really cruel what he did. If he was discontent, he should have mentioned it.
Anyway, you really have a talent for words, how you expressed the silent torment and how things appeared to be all right on the surface for her, but then blew up in her face...
It was really good. It's easy to feel it deeply. Good luck with the contest!
♥
~Eva
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