The masses, you know, they all
take their boats to the water
walk to shore, barely get their
feet wet. They hate the wet
because it’s unplanned and unpredictable.
They’ve planned for this their whole lives
and mostly they’ve
been told how to do it and
they listen.
Some play a little first, some are even
brave enough to splash around a bit, but
it is the same mostly, over and over
they come to the water, select
their boat and set it afloat
and set it afloat and set it afloat
and it is very ordinary.
The girl came with a wonderful idea:
she came with a kite, the
kind she’s heard of in far off dreams
all colorful and fluttery, without string.
She takes it to the water
and it sinks.
The boy came with a wonderful idea:
he has dreamt of flight, he
has no kite, though, just this boat and a little string.
He ties it under the boat and runs
with the wind. It never fell, really, just
failed to fly.
They try and they fail, try and fail,
each believing that this must be the way;
each missing the other because
she is at the water and he is in the field.
Disheartened, she turns from the water
to bury her kite in the field.
Disheartened, he turns from the field
to sink his boat in the water.
They meet there, somewhere in the middle,
say,“hi,” move on, and it is very ordinary.
She digs her hole and it is very ordinary.
He approaches water and it is very ordinary.
She turns over the kite,
placing it in its grave, seeing the
ring where the string should be.
He turns over the boat, capsized, he
sees the knot where the string is tied.
His eyes widen.
Her eyes widen.
She runs back to the water.
He runs back to the field.
They meet there, somewhere in the middle.
They need no words.
He unties his string.
She ties it to her kite.
They fly and they fly and they fly...
it is extraordinary.
A contest entry
- Character, Analogy, Story by CarolDesjarlais.
875 points, ended June 14, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - best prewrites by dory.
500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Reviews Appreciated
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
oh my goodness...what an icnredible amount of beautiful truth in this....bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is stupendous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
wow - I love this. I was drawn right in...this flowed wonderfully and is such a beautiful love story..excellent..they are exactly what the other needs, or perhaps you mean 'other halves'..
-
One of the best featured poems I've read in a while. This is very unique, thematically, linguistically, and stylistically. There's a definite story here, with a distinct metaphor that isn't TOO vague. I love it.
-
The hate the wet should be THEY. You use caps to suggest starts of sentences, why not other punctuation? The topic is unique and the style is original. Good job!
-
beautiful, the unique an fateful flavour of this is magnificent indeed, twin rays of love portrayed in the stars alignment, always a pleaser for shores,
anyheys thanks for penning this,
w chai and cookies
-JAS
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
