Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

The Accident

I stare at the sun nesting
behind the earth's walls
the sky reflects lavender streaks
and a lonely heart
that weeps

I inhale
hoping to cleanse
the selfish air
that consumes my body


I turn to you

You lay  
without life in your bones

I'm missing the fire
that used to flicker
within your amber eyes

I'm missing the soft blanket
of your lips
upon my aching skin  
carefully, I listen
to every struggling breath
and absorb each passing moment

because time is all we have left

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes



My boyfriend last year got into an accident. I was an hour away at the time so met him in the hospital. He's alive but I am always afraid of the worst now that I had quite a scare.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • Blooming Poet
    January 6
    Edit | Reply
    so sad. I luckly haven't been in a situation like this. 9


  • nilav
    November 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    there is intense feeling in those lines....congrats on the trophy


  • Sunkissed xo
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a deeply sorrow yet beautiful write. It truly moves my heart. There is wonderful imagery and emotion here. What a wonder
    Well done. Thanks so much for entering my contest
    peace ♥


  • Weltt
    June 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I haven't run into you in awhile around the site and might I say I've missed your words. This was absolutely beautiful and a pleasure to read. For being a wordbank entry this flows so smooth and not one syllable is out of place. A romantic verse tinged with sadness and a wonderful message that we should not take our time here for granted. Passionately penned and thank you for sharing!


  • enitsirhC
    June 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is absolutely beautiful! I love it. I love the imagery and the truth to it.


  • sapphireangelwings
    June 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully penned. The imagery is fantastic. I liked this piece a lot.

  • JWGoethe
    June 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    before reading your notes I had an image of someone sitting beside a hospital bed, next to someone in a coma (or something such as that). So, excellent job on communicating an image. Timing and use of language was perfect on this one.

  • limechic
    June 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very touching...like you, I have a binding fear of accidents. I'm scared of loss in general...but accidents...they can happen to anyone.

    I inhale
    hoping to cleanse
    the selfish air
    that consumes my body

    Selfish...that's what I would be. If I were sitting there, I'd be consumed with anger and selfishness...everything would be about me. "Don't you dare leave me"
    This poem brings a tear to my eye...I'm glad to hear your boyfriend was ok...it makes me hopeful =)

  • hardeepb
    June 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    You have a true heart

    I am sorry to hear for the accident...at least he is okay which is a good sign. I know it must be hard. My love...has an ultimate fear of accidents...and she would never be able to handle it if I was in one so I know the fear...

    "carefully, I listen
    to every struggling breath
    and absorb each passing moment
    because time is all we have left"

    I told her that even if we couldn't stay together...I would never leave her and not through an accident...yet I can picture her by my side...as I lay there in pain...makes me cry...kills me inside. Brilliant write, very real. 9/10.


  • mamad gold member
    June 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is quite beautiful. It builds to a great emotional impact.


  • KelseyDee
    June 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    A beautiful, loving and touching poem. I hope nothing happens to your man. Blessed be- Kelsey Dee

  • sm51498
    June 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    normally I prefer lyric verse but I can tell this was heart felt and the imagery was very evocative. especially, "I'm missing the soft blanket
    of your lips
    upon my aching skin"
    that stanza. The emotion is heartbreaking but the rhythm is a little off. I don't really have any suggestions other than that. I like it.


  • Darkend
    June 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    tragic

    This poem made me want to cry. It is very simple in nature, but also very powerful. The way you spaced your lines definately added to the effect. Well done!


  • honorable mention
    June 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow! this poem has just...left me speechless. so sad yet much power in these words. good job


  • tara wilson gold member
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is very good, your imagery is wonderful, I love your poetic device...'the selfish air'..and your lines breaks are very effective. What an emotional moment you bring to the reader....a snapshot, full of the feelings as well ..very well written



  • Blooming Poet
    June 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow. amazing poem


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aww.. so sad, but so beautiful!!
    A truely stunning write and I'd never have guessed it was a wordbank poem.. seamless!!


  • rainyday woman silver member
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful indeed. It bleeds with emotiom from between the lines. So sad and tender full of love and
    bereavement. Good luck.
    Cheryl


  • OnceUponAMind silver member
    June 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very moving and full of emotion!! Wonderful job, best of luck

1 - 22 of 22