Hey you,
girl,
yeah you're beautiful.
[Yeah keep telling those lies,
you just want to get laid.]
Hey girl,
will you be mine forever?
[Sure, don't promise me forever,
I know you won't be mine.]
Hey girl,
I love you.
[Yeah keep telling those lies,
with your beautiful eyes.]
Hey girl,
Are you ready?
[Just promise me,
that you won't leave me.]
Hey boy,
guess what?
You're really dumb,
I knew you couldn't keep it.
(She could see through me,
the whole entire time.)
Hey boy,
you broke me.
How do you feel?
(She's crying,
oh well, I got a new girl now.)
Hey boy,
I hate you,
I can't forget you.
(Who are you?
What's your face. Oh yeah.)
Hey boy,
I'm dying now for you.
(That girl,
she's insane, killing herself.)
--Boy finds a letter that reads--
"Hey,
I love you yet I hate you at the same time.
I said not to promise me forever,
I knew you wouldn't be mine.
I told you not to use me,
all you did was lie.
Hey boy look at me now,
I told you I would die.
---♥---,
Signed,
-Her-"
Look at her now boy,
She loved you all along.
(I never loved her,
I knew it was wrong.)
Look at her face boy,
She couldn't hurt a fly.
(I hurt her in the worst way,
and didn't even care.)
Hey boy where you going?
(I'm going to get laid again.)
A contest entry
- Kill Me by LullabyxxDreamer.
600 points, ended July 4, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Brake up/Teen-age Heart-Break by live-laugh-love.
450 points, ended July 8, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
.[™].I'm.Dakota.Bay.Bee.Don't.Forget.Me.[™].
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
I like this, its heart breaking.. And so very true.. Still hoping some guy can prove to me that this isn't how tings will always go. Great write I love the flow/
-
wow
it makes sense but it doesn't keep the rhyme rhythem
some times it comes off track as if on purpuse, i sorta don't like that
but, lovely poem
it put me n ur shoes
-
Great concept. This is true in alot of cases, unfortunately.
-
THe letter didnt fit in with the rest but other than that I hear it as a song
-
Very intense write! Well done.
-
Sorry but you might consider cutting this just a bit. It is a good story but my attention flagged.
-
Hmmm... It definitely had it's moments, though I'm not really one for the emo lost-love suicide thing. I did, however, enjoy the dialogue in the parentheses, because they read as a sort of mini-poem within themselves. Well done, and good luck to you in the contest!
Laura x
-
wow, let me just say, that was amazing and beyond sad. i loved it!
good luck! -
Wow, that left me breathless I loved it. it was truly amazing and so very sad.
-
Aw. That is quite amazing. It's a very sad story indeed. Though, i feel drawn to it. Though, inside i'm screaming "Haha. That's why, Yuri, and girls..are SO much better"
=] Then again, that's the lesbian kicking in. Either that or feminine. Wow, that rhymes, Yay me. hehe
Anywayz, yes. An amazing poem that i can tell you worked hard on. Lovely.
~IvoRy
-
that was fantastic
i loved it
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
