Slicing the sharp blade across the cornea
Removing the frosted lens from my eye
Opening the window to me
I see much more than a lie
I read you like the pages of a book
I feel the pain this sad world shows
I now see beyond what is said and told
Optimistic to what my future holds
Gazing beyond my dreams as life unfolds
Looking deeper within your soul
Beauty is all across the land
Fulfilling your life
Holding my hand
Making it whole
Letting go
Author notes
this is my first shot at a poem within a poem,
i dont have text capiblities so i tried to set it apart by indenting the lines,(the indented lines are the poem within the poem)
Picture by: http://nymphitamine.deviantart.com/art/scream-eye-27508620
i hope this is what you are looking for
“Gummy bears will soon take over the world.”
A contest entry
- Best Prewrites!! Send em on over! by perfectsunset.
800 points, ended July 2, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Unique by Zixaphir.
380 points, ended June 22, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1706 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - -♥-~*Beautiful*~-♥- by xwarriorXprincessx.
900 points, ended August 18, 2008, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything by Missa.
425 points, ended August 18, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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love it! very original
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Slicing the sharp blade across the cornea
Removing the frosted lens from my eye
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love those lines
and i love the whole poem within a poem concept
i tried it once and i only got like a few lines so i gave up haha
but this is beautiful goodluck in the contest
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dark. intriguing.
lovely write. very nicely done.
i love this style, i use it a lot myself. actually... i don't even really have a style... i just kind of make it random and crazy. but i love the way this is written.
it makes my heart gush how they first together so perfectly but they are both independent and beautiful. awesome work. i found myself reading this over and over again
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Well, uhh... I wear glasses! I have a double fallacy!
I've been seeing a lot of these indent-every-other-line poems within poems. Rhyme in one, don't in the other, mix and match, see what happens. Picture works very well, though. Was this picture inspired?
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yes this was picture insired
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Oh how originally crafted this piece was and penned with beauty, brilliance, imagery & depth.
Amazing write!
Thanks for entering & best of luck -
nice technique
interesting tennique here it blends quite well .. and the write is good and seems sincere.. wich is sweet
good stuff here
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Wow! This is very well done! I'm impressed. You have a blend of imagery that is stunning. You have a very good chance in this contest. The judge is very fair.
Love,
Amera♥
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Nice
I like the way it flows
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this is the first time i have seen a poem within a poem. i am impressed. my only suggestion is:
I see much more then a lie
i believe, then should be than.
other than that you did a fantasticf job. i wish you well in this contest that you have entered. viyanna rosemarie
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Amazing for yoyr first. Can't wait to see more. This was perfect! and beautiful!
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this is great!!!!! good job and good luck
xoxo-christina
love ya
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Well this is
EXACTLY
what i'm looking for,
very very well done to you!!!!
good luck in the contest, and thank you
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