When we make love
the world disappears.
Just me and you together,
without any fears.
Our bodies meet
intertwining with each other.
You bring me to highs
never felt from another.
The touch of your hands,
the caress of your tongue,
work together so jointly
you draw breath from my lung.
You slide between my legs
parting them sweetly.
Whispering words in my ear
of love so discretely.
Releasing our passion,
we reach heights above.
The world disappears
when we make love.
A contest entry
- The Erotic Challenge FINAL Round (Season 6) by Master Ktulu.
3500 points, ended June 17, 2008, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i like it i like it.
-
Spelling/grammar/punctuation=20
Creativity/presentation=20
How well you handled the challenge=20
'grab me' effect=18
Overall=19
Total=97/100
Very nicely done, but your third stanza just seemed a little off to me yet I can't pinpoint it. I think it's the last line it just didn't work with me but thats only my opinion overall this is a great poem. -
Spelling/grammar/punctuation = 20
Creativity/presentation = 20
How well you handled the challenge = 20
'grab me' effect = 20
Overall = 20
TOTAL = 100/100
There was absolutely NOTHING at fault here!!!!
The opening line and closing line worked exceptionally well and the rhyming all the way through made it just flow from the tongue and mind! The softness and sensuality that oozed from this was phenomenal!
You have not only risen to this challenge but nailed it to the wall and impressed the crap out of me!
WELL DONE!!!!!!!!!!!
-
Spelling/ grammar/ punctuation: 19
Discretely?
Creativity/ presentation: 20
I like the red and pink and the heat of the colours. I liked the presentation. I like the way you began and ended with the same line. It works well in this piece.
How well you handled the challenge: 20
Grab me effect: 18
Some of the rhyming felt forced and the meter was off kilter once or twice. Other than that, this was gorgeous.
Overall: 19
Total: 96
I loved this. I like the way you sing love and eroticism into life with your words. A worthy entry for the final round. -
Spelling/grammar/punctuation = 20
Presentation/creativity = 19
I loved the how this flowed, but the choice of font color played havoc with my eyes upon the background. Sorry but I have to dock you a point for that.
How well you handled the challenge = 20
'Grab me' effect = 20
I really liked this piece, I liked the way you began and ended it with that line and I feel it really worked well for you.
Overall = 20
_________________________
Total = 99
**Master Ktulu**
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