Violet Vanity
Is the essence of inhumanity
On mirrors of scarlet blood
Look into yourself and see the flood
Eternity of time, nothing but time
Time to waste on her beauty, sublime
Vanity, the source of her sadness, replete
And oh, she's longing for her soul incomplete
No one to be with, to lift her high
In her tower that rests in the unreachable sky
Truth hides in her clouds of pain
Yearning for the lies to fall down with the rain
Truth is insanity
Realization is profanity
Under rule of nothing at all
Enough to cause her life to fall
Into the ocean, far and wide
Naked truth, washed away in the tide
So alone, but pride must die
Alone until she can no longer cry
Not truly alone, but what she does not know
Is that her true God is waiting down below
To take her to the world of her dreams
Yearning to quiet her tearful screams
Author notes
This is about an angel who worships herself and her beauty instead of her creator and how she is punished.
A contest entry
- Voluminous Veils of Violet Vanity by DayDreamMuse.
1500 points, ended June 15, 2008, 4 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - astronomical desires by exithere.
400 points, ended June 18, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me any kind of love you want by ApocalypseAngel.
450 points, ended June 27, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter What Ever You Want (No Erotica) by fairytalelovestory.
923 points, ended January 21, 95 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I like your mtaphor and how you took the prompt to a psychological level as to what you might find in th head of a vain person and vanity itself. Of course I have to agree with Blue on her critiques. Repetition is not attractive unless it follows a certain pattern.
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This is very well-done. I especially liked the incorporation of colour in this one with scarlet
although that is not the theme colour. You paint
a focused portrait here, one that keeps a steady
flow. I found "In her tower that rests in the unreachable sky" a strong line in what it conveys
of her expectations. The only thing that seemed to
throw it off a bit for me was the use of truth (and
truly) five times throughout. I felt a more creative
approach to expressing the concept of truth might
help make a more potent impact. Blue
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