Chicken of the Sea and Other Stupidity

So I sit here very disturbed by the fact we live in a world where stupidity and vanity are so highly praised, not only praised but rewarded. Jessica Simpson and the chicken of the Sea is it chicken is it tuna thing stands out in my mind, but I see it in my daily life as well. I watch people who seem to value intelligence as an admirable trait date people who functioning in daily life can't find their own ass with both hands, or people who are so set on only dating the beautiful people, and then they upset to find them shallow and narcissistic. Denote the lack of shock on my face. I'm speaking in broad generalities here, not all of any one kind of group of people is the same....we are all different; I'm just seeing some overlying patterns that are disturbing. Honesty also seems to have fallen to the wayside along with integrity. I don't know how those of us with either left are supposed to survive in a world where the dominant forces go so against our inner nature. I tried to run with the "big dogs" guess what I managed to accomplish? I hurt my best friend, I ended up feeling sick most of the time, my self esteem which was barely there to begin with left the building, all in the name of supposedly not being a doormat any more. Well I think I can repair myself esteem (lol hahaha) ok I'm working on it. As I stopped trying to please the masses I stopped feeling so sick. As for the people I hurt...only time will tell. I wish I had just followed my gut instead of advice from well meaning others that was so far from my true nature it felt like I was possessed. I tried it your way...it's not for me. Somewhere I will find a way to just be myself, without letting everyone walk all over me, it will just take time and patience. Standing my ground shouldn't require me to be mean or hurtful to other people. Sometimes I just reacted to what I was given in kind; if you seemed to be hurting me on purpose I gave it right back....it still made me feel bad though. Some people don't get that, but it is a natural law, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, I guess my equal and opposite reaction is tears, especially when someone I really trust is hurting me with their actions or words. I really don't like crying all the time, my face gets red and I can't breathe. I much prefer laughter, but that doesn't happen when I'm hurt or confused, I wish I could, but I can't.