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Thoughts... as random as random could be

And it swirls and boils all over;
Unsettling , it rises again,
like a tide that swells with time,
it never stops, like an ongoing train.

Gradually, it picks up on its own;
gathering momentum, or so to speak,
twisting and twirling, at strands of life,
leaving me tired, forlorn and weak.

Unforgiving, it keeps working itself;
asserting its power and hold so tight,
unleashing havoc in my heart,
every moment dragging me away from light.

It demands that I sacrifice;
blood and tears for some solace,
"Everything comes at a cost" ,it whispers,
but I fail to get them to roll o'er my face.

And then I think, if I could try;
waters could wet my parched soul,
I may find the strength to stand upright again,
bracing myself for it to make another hole.

I close my eyes, squeeze 'em shut;
clenching the fists, to harden me,
and falling to my knees in due submission,
in the boiling, swirling, rising sea.

A contest entry

what was your first opinion

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Paloszoo gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    For being so "random" you sure have put together a wonderful piece. Great job! Thanks for entering my contest. I'm honored to have you share your work here. Good luck!


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    September 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice write. Thank you so much for entering the contest, good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • Lsh-x
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like it very much, And it's not cliche one bit which is a plus!

    Beautiful.

    Keep up the good work.

    Thanks for entering, and good luck


  • fathom me
    July 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful my friend reads and flows smooth like that of a river flowing.. Keep writing You write beautifully

  • b497
    June 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Odd choice to begin with "and"

    Ok, it can't figure what o who this "it" is
    you keep talking about here.

    Ongoing trains eventually stop...don't they?

    again and train...Are you english?

    "so to speak" just got jammed in there to make it rhyme, huh?


    I don't think solace rhymes with face, not when I say it.

    Ok...the good things are: the rhythm is pretty decentand I don't see
    any glaring cliche.

    Let me guess is "it" your conscience

    • arnica karuna
      June 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      hmmm.. i'd say no to all of the above. beginning with "and" is to emphasize that there's no beginning, nor an end to what i'm talking about. ongoing trains stop, but not for very long times.
      "so to speak" was something i wanted to put in because i wanted to indicate that it doesn't really gain momentum, but seems to intensify as time passes.

      And i don't think sticking to norms , like a strict rhyme scheme , where creative tasks are concerned is a good idea. Such things are for mathematics.
      you didn't really get into the work, did you?


  • GypsyEyes
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    falling to my knees in due submission i love that line! i think many people have been there! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox


  • Ktulu Blackwolfe silver member
    June 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is anger meets dark...I love it.

    Thanks for entering my challenge and good luck.

    **Ktulu Blackwolfe**


  • ourgirlFriday
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hmmmmmmmm

    Sounds like waves of anger to me. That was my first thought and take on it. It's a very powerful piece! Best of luck in the contest!

1 - 10 of 10