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An Ant (Zuhitzu)

What is the purpose
of the ants existence?

It thrives
on simply
keeping its family alive.

It gets flooded
trodden on
killed

and yet goes on
carrying a thousand times
its weight.

Therefore
I conclude:

An ant has more strength
than I;
for an ant
could carry

my heavy heart.

Author notes

Please comment. All comments returned, as always. This is called a zuhitzu poem, which is where i wrote anything that crossed my mind, no editing and no thinking.

I am modeling 24 poems after 24 poems by Han-Shan. Part of my english class, thought I'd post them on here to see what you think.

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • sassykitty
    July 10

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    Like it! Nice use of metaphor and symbolism and I do like the relatively simple use of language used to convey which is actually quite a deep and philosophical issue. Also like the use of the three word final line, it really creates impact as does the use of enjambement. Nicely original and imaginative write, thanks for sharing and good luck in finishing the 24 poems.

  • IrishGypsyRose silver member
    July 10

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    I Love IT

    I like the metaphor and the emotions in the end...it is true however; an ant could carry twice the burdens we do and never break a sweat. great write. ~mandie~

  • Black-Cloud
    July 9

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    ok then not what i was expecting totly diff then my normal style of potery
    but entersting (i can't spell)
    and yet some how i guessed the ending not even half way through it

    entersting yet not my fav
    i don't see any errors
    so good job!


  • mamajoey
    June 11
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    An and has more strength
    need to edit sweetie
    very good. i love the surprise ending!


  • dolls-x-phoenixes
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    oh lovely. You obviously have a way with words, because my stream of conciousness is much more schitzophrenic (or however you spell it) than this. Great write!


  • Broken Angel Shade gold member
    June 11
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    It was definatly original. And so very true the ant is a strong creature and compared to the strongest creature according to size the ant is stronger then the biggest strongest creature.(lost self here) I love the write it was really good. Thank you for sharing

  • PatheticKt
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    Well, this is an original theme to the poem and it's unbelievable how you made this write have such emotion and simplicity with an ant being there and all ^^
    My favorite lines would have to be:
    "for an ant could carry my heavy heart"
    Although, I'm confused with the 14th line . . .
    . . . is it a typo or something?
    Anyway, good write, all in all and an impressive one at that

1 - 7 of 7