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Dead

This is not me,
it can't be.
But it is me.
My delicate - once so silky golden kissed brown hair
touching the delicately peach tiled ground.
Pale skin made of me.
Pale. Darkness. Blood.
This is all I can see.
Sinking into the darkness of the quicksand all too quick,
I don't want to leave,
I want to stay near.
Dead.
This is it, isn't it?
This is what I've become.
My corps will rot -
become hollow, worn and old.
Me, I am alive still.
Rigorous to reach out to you,
but you cannot feel.
I guess I really am dead than -
Or just dead to you?
Sorry it ended up this way,
But here I stand, or rather float - like hover around you.
Calling on my way to you,
searching through my mind, going crazy that I'm dead -
and yet still trying to find the wordless words to say
to you - in all this living dead - like dread.

Author notes

bleh. self explanitory?

bad days lately... so new poem... I guess...

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • SilverWolf
    June 21, 2008

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    wow!!!

    wow!!!!!
    awesome!!!!! great title! the background goes well with the poem!
    nice flow altho it is short it deleivers alot of moving and powerful words you know? it does lack a little bit of imergy but everything else is good!
    lots of emotion
    you could touch this up alittle bit but other than that great write!!!

    SilverWolf




    • brightXdarkness
      June 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I changed it a bit. Do you have any thoughts as to how it is now? How it could be better? I don't know... I'm trying new things here lol. I appreciate your opinion Thank you very much!!

      Alex


  • luna-midnight gold member
    June 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    awwwwww *hugs* this is jam packed with emotions, hope you are okay cusie *hugs*
    love you <3
    stephanie


  • individuality gold member
    June 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i like your poem but it lacks imagery - though of course your poem is good. good as in it is just below the threshold of imagery. not that i am an expert onpoetry but i like imagery.
    i like your poem but it lacks imagery - though of course your poem is good. good as in it is just below the threshold of imagery. not that i am an expert onpoetry but i like imagery.

  • AliceInTheRealWorld
    June 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    !

    I love how there's a raw passion but a very soft flow to the words, and there seems beneath the pain to be a confidence. It's a great poem, I love how the death seems real death, and then you mention dead to a particular person.


  • Lady Australis silver member
    June 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    aww
    im sorry you feel like thi
    love you

1 - 6 of 6