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To E.R. is Human…To Survive Sublime

Missing image

  

 

 

I went down to the local E. R.
Just a little bit dehydrated,
My HMO smiled down on them,
They’d be straightaway compensated.

They laid me on a gurney,
Which was -10F degrees,
And attached a bag of fluids,
Which swayed in the hallway’s breeze.

I don’t go in for gowns and such,
And confided so to the porter;
He said he’d see what he could do,
But he'd at least bring me some water.

Next time I'll go first class, I thought,
I'd get a cubicle, and TV,
Instead of wiling away the hours,
Watching a clock that was... watching me.

A curious thing, those E.R. clocks,
Oh, they're accurate, that’s for certain!
What’s an hour to you is a minute to it,
Regardless who’s doing the hurtin’.

I later declined any x-rays,
And started to dress, and what’s more,
There were ice-cubes just then in my water glass,
Where not a single one existed before.

Some say I’m given to exaggerate,
Some say that I'll one day fall;
But the coldest evening I ever spent,(I swear)
Was one Summer evening in that E.R. hall.

 

             Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
 

Author notes

As you probably already know, hospitals in general are conspicuously cool places, hoping this would be detrimental to bacteria spreading.
John

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Comments

1 - 68 of 68

  • AsIThink
    August 23

    Edit | Reply
    hahaha...sooo funny! I enjoyed this hilarious read. And yes, another visitor in an infamous, 'comfortable' ER hall(definately not designed for that all). Great write.

    AsIThink...


    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      August 24
      Edit | Reply

      Dear AIT

      Thanks for you comment on my ER. I gather you've been there,
      and done that! My condolences!
      Maybe they lower the thermostat in order to slow down all the bodily functions, this way they don't have to come around so often, do you think?LOL
      Glad you liked the poem! It was kind of you to say!

      John

      • AsIThink
        August 24
        ?
        Edit | Reply
        Yeah, you're right: Been and Done - no such fun...hahaha. "Understood you have, the ancient secret of ER conundrums. A Jedi Master, you are..." LOL.

        AsIThink...

  • offlimits
    August 18
    Edit | Reply
    lol those hospitals are cold lol i love the way you told this story i really do
    love cassie

  • badfish7769
    August 16

    Edit | Reply

    great

    Great narrative poem. I especially enjoyed the line "Watching a clock that was... watching me." weel done.

  • SpydurPoet silver member
    August 14

    Edit | Reply
    Incredible. I love the way you've taken this situation and made it into a great poem.
    Write on.
    ~*~SP~*~


    • Adios Muchachos gold member
      August 14
      Edit | Reply

      Hi SP

      Glad you enjoyed reading this. I liked it too, until the bill came anyway. Not much funny about 4 figure bills.
      If you see Brant before me, say HI for me!

      Thanks again for looking at this!

      John

  • Slayer gold member
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    LOL. I loved this. You got it right down to details.
    I love rhymes, but I love the story too. This made me smiles this morning.
    Thank you.

  • demif182
    August 3

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, I do not like hospitals for that exact reason. The sanitary smell of insulin is pretty uninviting as well. I haven't been a big fan of rhyming for most of my life, but being new to allpoetry and reading yours has made me want to explore how much importance can actually be conveyed that way. Good poem.

    • Demif

      If you don't like rhymes you are definitely not going to like mine, that is all I do. LOL
      I'm glad you liked this though!Thanks for your kind words!

      John

  • fool no1
    August 2

    Edit | Reply
    Hospitals arn't the best of places to spend ones free time, but you captured the moment very well. Excellent...mal

    • Thanks Mal

      Glad you cared for this as I wrote it pretty much off the cuff; impromptu.
      Unbeknownst to me it was going to get colder still! That was the day the hospital bill arrived. Like liquid nitrogen!LOL

      Glad you liked this. Thank you very much!

      John

  • Moonfire
    August 2

    Edit | Reply

    Splendid!

    This was a really excellent poem. I know exactly how you feel there, when my brother was in the hospital for a few months, I remember sitting in there freezing wondering how it can be so cold in Miami in March XD

    As for the poem itself, great imagery and humor to it. Flows together quite nicely!

    • Nice of you to say Moonfire

      And welcome to the neighborhood! Hope you meet some nice people and further your interest in writing here.
      I worked in Miami Beach and at the Key Largo Yacht Club
      during the Summers when I was young. I love that area
      of the country! Love the keys!

      I hadn't written much of anything in a good while when I did this, and I guess it shows in spots. But I appreciate you taking a look at it, means a lot! Glad you liked it!

      John-Las Vegas, Nevada



  • LadyProphecie
    August 1
    Edit | Reply

    It Made Me Smile

    I love the humor in this piece!
  • dang

    heh this is a really cool idea for a poem. i like it. i like it.

  • this is funny. lol. I hate going 2 the hospital its so cold in there. n try havin 2 get xrays done at my local hospital...the tables are colder than the ice in my cup lol. This sheds briliant truth on the matter in a hysterical way lol. Great job!
    • Dear Bruises

      That was funny! I was just now, this very second, trying to put this in a contest and they disallowed it because it is a PW and your message came up!
      I'm glad you liked this! I did too, that is, until the hospital bill came!LOL
      I like the way robbers stole in the old days, with guns
      and not with accountants!LOL

      Thank you Bruises. Where can I get a hat like that one?

      Regards,
      John
      • lol if they're gonna steal it they should at least b curdious about it lol. jk. but my bro-in-law is in the national guard n they got rid of BDU's n put in ACU's so i got his BDU hat lol. Thanks tho! I am obsessed w/ army stuff lol

  • Touchof1der Moderators member
    July 23

    Edit | Reply
    So true! After spending just an hour there you can see your breath before your eyes as you talk to the person sistting next to you, or to yourself, whichever the case may be.
    ♥ Touchof1der
    • Hi Kimberly

      Long time no seizure!
      How've you been? Good I hope!
      I hope you know who this is! I changed my name three or four times since I ran into you last! So much so, even I don't know who I am anymore! Maybe it's for the best.

      Thank's for reading this, and laughing a little as well!

      John Las Vegas, Nevada

  • samm
    July 16
    Edit | Reply
    awesomeness lol

    • Thanks Samm

      A nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to be sick there!LOL

      Thanks for taking a look, samm! My middle name is Sam!

      Take care and thanks again!

  • poeticweaver gold member
    July 10

    Edit | Reply

    So True,

    Thanks for giving us the inside scoop,
    and damn you have this piece flowing.
    Great job, and thanks for the smiles.

    Peace, and pen on poet!
    -Timothy

  • Is that why they're so frigid?

    Well, this was cute, whatever the reason. I'm glad to read something from you again.

    You and my other guy favorites seem to be changing your names a lot - runnin' from somebody?

    Cynthia

    • Hi Cynthia

      I usually change my name around tax time!LOL Actually I'm going off-line for several months or until the financial winds change course, hopefully I'll get back on-line by Christmas.
      How've you been? Long time no seizure!
      I can use the library's pc's now and then, so I won't be completely in the dark.

      Be good, talk to you soon.

      John
  • Haha, this is awesome. Very witty, very caustic. Nice job, I like this one a lot.

    • Dear A S

      Appreciate your taking a look at this. Glad if it made you kind of smile!

      John-Las Vegas, Nevada
  • This was really cute, and definately accurate!
    There aren't any comfortable E.R.'s or any hospital room or doctors office. Maybe that is to deter us from wanting to spend much time there, which must mean it is an HMO conspiracy! great job!
    • Thank you Paula

      Thank you for taking a look at this today!
      I imagine scenarios such as this are being played out all around the country.
      It must be in the hospital management primer!
      But they treated me pretty good, and I was out of there in about eight hours!

      Thanks again Paula, means a lot to hear good feedback !
  • celadia
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was quite funny, they do ignore you, don't they, maybe they hope you'll go away and they can do important stuff.
    • Celadia

      You said it better than me! But I cannot complain about their consistency though. They are like that every time!
      Maybe ER stands for Everything's Routine!

      Thanks for the read!

      John-Las Vegas, Nevada

  • myron
    June 28

    Edit | Reply

    amusing

    You have painted an amusing and light-hearted picture of a hospital.
    I like the 4th stanza the best:

    Next time I'll go first class, I thought,
    I'd get a cubicle, and TV,
    Instead of wiling away the hours,
    Watching a clock that was watching me.


    I hope you are well now,
    myron.

    • What a nice surprise

      Thanks for looking at my ER poem. Judging from the responses, it seems this is typical for most ER's
      Thanks Myron, glad you got a rise from it!

      John

  • RuthKephart
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    LOL...too funny John. I've spent a few nights like that myself and they are never a bit fun, but do make for some funny poetry...why do you suppose that is?
    Ruth


  • Capt Jed
    June 26

    Edit | Reply

    Are they all like that?

    Thanks John, I needed a laugh. Although it could be true of any E.R., they never seem to be fast enough when you're hurting. Enjoyed the poem, the rhyming was great. Glad you're OK now.

    • One thing that saved the night was one of the nurses did a semi-striptease for her nurses and doctor co-workers. Apparently she was trying explain something to them. I was afraid there was going to be a cover charge.lol
      Appreciate you taking a look at this. Glad if it made you grin.

      John-Las Vegas
    • Thanks Capt.


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    June 22

    Edit | Reply

    Amusingly biting..
    Here ( in Canada ) the E.R is the last place you want to wind up.. lol and not because of the obvious, rather because time stops completely it seems in ours

    • Dear AFM

      I think that's because in decades past the patient paid by the hour and they never changed those clocks!lol
      Really, I believe the ER mind-set is the same everywhere you
      go. Either they are dealing with a catastrophe, or everyone is out to lunch!
      Rule of missing thumbs is...Stay out of there!

      Thanks for stopping by. You're the Seagull lady aren't you?lol

      John-Las Vegas, Nevada

      • ArtFullyMe gold member
        June 22
        Edit | Reply

        I tend to think so too.. and that's a fitting way to put it.. lol

        You're quite welcome and yep I'm the Seagull lady

        Liza
  • Karen

    You might think this is funny and then again you might want to hit me over the head with it!lol(Ihope)

    When you got sick a little bit ago someone got in touch with me, I can't recall who, asking for poems and such for you and your getting better and all.
    Well, this is the poem I started to do, but before I could even get it underway I saw you up on the screen
    like nothing was wrong.

    Well, to make a long story even longer, it took a while to write it, and I figured you were probably feeling better than I was, so I just stuck it up here and forgot about it.

    But I'm a big believer in evens so I guess this a case of Karen's Karma catching up to me, looking for which way to turn, so I will switch this around a bit.

    I'll message you when I've made amends.

    John

  • klassy lassy
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    John, I'd love to say this is priceless, but I know for a fact that to E.R. means you are gonna go Sixteen Tons and deeper in debt. I had a sweetheart of a nurse when I was in last month. She brought me warmed blankets! ~ K.

    • Karen

      Karen
      You might think this is funny and then again you might want to hit me over the head with it!lol(Ihope)

      When you got sick a little bit ago someone got in touch with me, I can't recall who, asking for poems and such for you and your getting better and all.
      Well, this is the poem I started to do, but before I could even get it underway I saw you up on the screen
      like nothing was wrong.

      Well, to make a long story even longer, it took a while to write it, and I figured you were probably feeling better than I was, so I just stuck it up here and forgot about it.

      But I'm a big believer in evens so I guess this a case of Karen's Karma catching up to me, looking for which way to turn, so I will switch this around a bit.

      I'll message you when I've made amends.

      John
  • Light hearted cold feet

    Remind me not to find time to visit any US hospital until universal free/or virtually free hospitalisation in the US is as good as in France


  • macandrew
    June 18

    Edit | Reply
    A good bit of writing. Hospitals need a bit of humour.

    John
  • pithyaplomb
    June 15

    Edit | Reply

    nice observations here...

    drafty too, tend to get up there in our clothing, in the nether regions I've always noticed.
    take it easy,
    ~ pithyAplomb.
  • i had to chuckle when i finished reading this from you. yes, hospitals are cold, and in more than one way. thank you for sharing this with me today. viyanna rosemarie *HUG*

    . Rewarded 4

    • Long time no see

      Thanks for being the one click I had! Glad you liked it a little too! Looks like I have a lot of time on my hands, huh?
      Well,I do actually. Was just curious if I could still write a poem of sorts.

      Thanks again.
      Hope all is well with you!
      John-Las Vegas
  • Good job.
    Not my favorite of yours but I did enjoy it John.
    Your a.p son


  • poetryality silver member
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    Gosh! Those icicles look soooooo refreshing. It's so hot here I'm panting.

    I have frozen my buns off in a couple of ER's myself.not of late thank goodness. I have a poem I wrote years ago called; "The Great American Waiting Room" reminds me of this one.

    Thanks for my daily chuckle! OMG! I was just distracted by a fawn coming through the woods in my backyard. I think this may be the same fella me and my grandson saw yesterday in the woods behind my Mom's house. Same woods, we live around the block from each other.

    Great poem that made me .


    Love ya ♥

    Renee



  • kissofsun
    June 11

    Edit | Reply

    brings back memories

    A few weeks ago, I went to the E.R. to turn in some paper work....as it turns out they thought I was nuts, and invited me to stay a few days with them. I use the term "invited" loosly.
    This really brought about some memories.
    Hospitals really are cold as....well, hell.
    Great write,
    KoS


  • arafura
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful write! What a hell of a place... pays to keep the fluids up friend... I believe I'll have another beer!

    • Dear Arafura

      I guess a dram of prevention good as a pound of cure, eh?
      Plus the service is far better in the pub!
      Going to do a bit of pruning on this. Just wanted to get it
      out from in front of me.lol
      Glad you liked it prima facie, A!

      John
  • This is so adorable! I hate the ER. Once, I got an infection in my eye and my eye swelled shut and my face was huge. My mum and I walked in about midnight and the receptionist said, "Do you have a reason for being here?"

    Great write

    Mylee
    • Thanks Mylee

      Just making an attempt at a poem after a very long hiatus.
      Looks like my internal rhymer is in need of an overhaul!LOL
      Hope all is well with you and you are looking forward to the Summer.
      Thanks again, glad you liked it!

      John


  • Sagerider gold member
    June 10

    Edit | Reply

    Great work John

    I really enjoyed this. I hope it wasn't a true experience. My brother and I are working on a movie script. One scene will be in the morgue. I hope that tray is warmer.

    • Hi Del

      Long time no seizure!
      Morgue? Not me.
      It was true. But I wasn't seriously ill. Just dehydrated, not a big water drinker myself.
      That sounds interesting about that script. Keep me posted on its, and your, progress.
      I figured you to be multi-talented!

      Regards,
      John

  • sunshinegirl
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! What a great job you did on this one! It is fantastic! And well it is wonder none of us here have ended up there with dehydration... This weather is beyond words!

    and love

    Nyetta

    • Thanks Nyetta

      Just fooling around here. Trying to rhyme. My rhymer is on the fritz, and it shows. Time will tell the tale.
      I'm glad you liked it though.

      Hope all is well with you!
      Regards,
      John

  • Kyo-N
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    I wonder why did you write this one. It's pretty nice, and the rhyming pattern, although broken in some stanzas, still goes with the flow and doesn't look that forced. Nice one.

    • Hi Kyo-N

      I was writing for practice or kidding around. I know I went way off the meter toward the end. Sometimes two or three syllables seem to me as one like a chord in music gives one sound made from many. Lots of people don't hear or read it like that.
      Well, I've written a poem, one, in a very long time, and that is that.lol
      Glad you saw it first!

      Regards,
      John
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