I sit here feeling like a fool
You are on your game as usual with her,
Holding her
Kissing her
Loving her
Not me
And all I can do is cry about it…
You make me soo sick
I reached out to you for seven months,
Cried out to you and became inside out for you...
And now its month eight and I tell you how I feel
You say you feel the same but it’s all a lie isn’t it?
You LOVE her not me,
You don’t wanna admit it,
She fucked on you,
And HURT YOU and you still want her??
Why? What sort of ass are you?
If she hasn’t yet she will again,
Why you do stay with someone who can hurt you? Instead of someone who can make you happy?
Is it… Is it that you DON’T wanna be happy?
You like living with shit?
Has to be,
Cuz you are going no where fast,
And I am reaching still for you after all this time,
Which makes me no better than you I guess
Because I am in love with an illusion that will never be
And you hate me, I can tell
Behind my back you smugly laugh and ignore me
And play with me when you are bored and need someone to amuse you,
When you need attention and can’t get it anywhere else,
You come to me,
To fuck me
Then leave me when she comes back
Over and over and over again,
And I always take you back because I am a loser for loving you
And maybe just like you I love the attention I get from you…
I call you my best friend, and you barely call me your friend
I tell you everything
You tell me nothing
I sit naked and you stand clothed
When you touch her skin, is it as soft as mine,
Does she make you cum on a glance, as her eyes pierce your heart?
Does that glance even penetrate your insides?
Does mine? -
Cuz yours does -
And when she holds you with soft spoken horizons,
Do you drop to your knees at the shores of tantalization?
Do you both talk economics, war, life, love,
Is she deep as the valley that you were born in?
Or shallow like my heart
Because all the water I have to sustain myself I gave to you, leaving nothing for myself so now I thirst for something more from you,
I gave you everything I could about me!
Everything!
Everything you know! Everything I do! I gave to you! For weeks and endless days,
And from you… not even a quarter of that…
Sometimes I feel sick, sick of everything you do to me
Excuse me while I retch up the past as memories escape my lips…
AND DO YOU EVEN KNOW?
Or are you soo fucking oblivious to the fucking fact of that!
Christ!
I could ramble here for days! Writing and re writing this shit
I can’t believe I told you today that I was sick
You couldn’t have cared less it seems
I ask from you
You say you will give
And each time it occurs you become an Indian giver!
Yes! You are you fucking MAN!
That’s what you are!
If you didn’t want to, why do you tell me these things?
See now tears…
More tears, and now they can’t stop!
This is enough to make a woman go insane
After all I AM a Schizophrenic Psycho…
Voice six is the bitch and she laughs at me
While the other 5 smile in agreement
Telling me how fucking stupid I am for falling in love with you!
And YOU DON’T CARE!
You don’t even realize what’s going on here do you,
Nope…
YOU FUCKING TROLL!
I wish I could shake you and make you see what you have done to me
I don’t like games
That’s why I quit PE!!
Why are still here, here for your exotic and feverish amusement
That’s all I am to you!
I wish I could tell you all of it –
Wait! – I DID!
And you shrugged and walked on…
I am sick to my stomach of what I have become cuz uh you,
It’s like lightening a candle with no wick inside
And feel the pain of burning wax as it stings my flesh
After awhile it cools, and the scar is there
And I light it again
And again
And again
And again
And …
And …
Fuck me
I dunno what to say here anymore,
I am a poor sad young woman
In love with someone who I KNOW don love me back
I can see it plain as day its not like I can’t see it
I KNOW
I just can’t fathom the comprehension that
I AM STILL FUCKING HERE!
And when I try to move from you,
You come back to me,
Don’t call me that if you don mean it!
And stop touching me with all those words you love to call her!
Yes I know!
I can see it
And when she lies in your arms do you think about me,
Touching you?
Looking in your eyes deep and hard
As I fuck you!
I’m not like her you know
I seem cute,
And oh so cuddly
But unlike her I can expose you and you don’t even know it…
And all uh sudden you would sit next to me as naked as I am
And don’t say it hasn’t happened!
BECAUSE I DID IT BEFORE YOU OBLIVIOUS MAN! HAHA
She doesn’t look at you does she?
She’s afraid of what you can do
And I’m not basically,
And THAT’S why you come back.
Cuz I can satisfy you spiritually and intellectually as well
And when your body is taut and hard wanting more of
Simulating conversation
You’ll leave me, go to her, come back, and get nothing!
Hahahah
You poor poor man!
And poor poor me!
Cuz then the fucking process goes all over again and I will be here
Sitting naked
While you will be there
Standing clothed
Hands in your pockets, rubbing ya crotch like all the men before you
While I sit here cold and tear stained
No thank you I need not your coat
The chill from your forever and monotonous actions would freeze it off my back anyways
I need not your warm words
For the nails of frost bite cut them to pieces before they caress my ears and fall blatantly next to the tear on the floor which only left loving infatuated eyes a moment ago...
Invisible? You don’t even know what that means,
HUSH! Of course I don’t know anything about you,
BUT WHO’S FAULT IS THAT?
None of my own!
I encourage conversation and get nothing
So fuck you if I am so brutally honest of these feelings that are coming outta me!
And now you go like you always do,
Where ever it is that you go, doing nothing and something
Drinking coffee, feeding your cat and fucking yourself…
Sigh…
You could have fucked me hahahahaha
Oh well
That’s life, and hey
I’m sorry Angel, if this offends you,
I REALLY am, I don’t hate you, not any part of you,
I am disgustingly in love with you,
Why else could YOU come back to me?
Over and over
And over
And over
And...
And…
And…
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