You killed me today
How does it feel
To take a life
Can you believe it's real
Now lets take a recap
Of what you've done
You came out of the darkness
And into the sun
We met a while ago
You loved my best friend
But any feelings toward her
Came to an end
We wait a while
Then along comes a ball
I realized I liked you
My first step to a hard fall
We ended the night
With a kiss on the cheek
It was an omen
So much more would we seek
We talked online
Then saw eachother again
You asked me out
We were more than just friends
Heart break number one
Happened at five twenty eight
You broke up with me
It was better for our sake
You told me you still love me
and will wait till I'm ready
We got to know eachother
We both wanted to go steady
Heart break number two
Happened at a track meet
You introduced me as the girl you liked
But somehow I was beat
Because you greeted me
With a casual hi
But somehow you failed
To say goodbye
Heart break number three
You don't answer your phone
I'm not sure how I feel
It's all in the unknown
Three strikes, you're out
And somehow I'm dead
But I was brought back to life
With a message left unread
I love you and miss you
Is what I heard from you
And that was the last I've heard
I'm wondering if it's true
But as I lay dead on my floor
Something occurs to me
You got your phone taken away
How pointless can that be
But that doesn't revive me
Only one thing will
It's you saying this in person
"I love you still"
A contest entry
- Love,Depression,Sorrow, by XxunBeautifulxX.
300 points, ended June 24, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be honest, be brutal, be totally true, and tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Ah..your first line took my breath away..verty touching story you shared bringing the fact of this life..and its touches of the love..very thought provoking work..well done...
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73 lines become an instant as I am absorbed...I feel the emotions through the pixels...and I relate to a situation that was never mine...you write it so poignantly, so strongly...beautiful and heart-breaking.
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Such a sorrow filled write. Excellent rhyme and flow. Beautifully penned, good luck in the contest
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i will be completely honest with you here. i had to scan this poem rather than read it in its' entirety as i have blamed myself for someone's suicide for four years, three months, and nine days. i could not read the words that blame for what he chose to do. i can not give you an honest critique for that reason. i do wish you the very best of luck in this contest that you have entered. viyanna rosemarie
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Amazing i truly love this...i love the way you drew in your audience nice work...a bit of advice edit it and spell floor right..but other than that nicely done...
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aww
this makes me want to fly accross the US and give you a big hug!!! 
I'm so sorry this happened to you, I've never had this happen so I cna't pretend to know wha it's like. But It'll worlk out, somehow I know it will!
Love you!
~Michaela~
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