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Covering Rejection

Tongues slithered like snakes
        ripping through pores with stings
  of poisons wrath on beating hearts.

Acidic rain drops on lovers thoughts
     slashed through butterflies in stomachs
as bleeding ulcers on empty minds
    took scarlet showers to revive the dead.

Your broken promise stood silent
on pierced aggressions spewing your remorse
coughing up your love to suffice my cold affections.

As these eyes so keen to pierce your soul
grasp enjoyment of withered bones
you should have realized 

that whore loved you as much

    as you loved me,

 

                 [for never]

 

Author notes

Rules:
-under 20 lines
-gritty
-dark
-raw
-full of imagery

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • mrepoet613
    July 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Color me dense but despite the nice word play and use of language, the embedded rhyme 'Acidic rain drops on lovers thoughts' is superb, I don't understand most of the poem. I'm not discounting the power of the language nor the talent/skill but I just can't grasp the meaning. Congrats on the gold, I'm still waiting for the light bulb.


  • SuicidalLover
    July 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow....I see why you one....Total Annilahtion...
    Had to check out what Laura really likes....and you won gold (congrats btw and this is just mind blowing. It great. Point blank.
    ~Kystal Angel


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    June 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think the typing style gave your identity away, but nothing wrong with that. Whether I know you or not, the power of these words is mind-blowing, especially: "...as bleeding ulcers on empty minds/took scarlet showers to revive the dead", and "Your broken... cold affections." Brilliant!

    I agree with Mark too... 'Whore' is a very strong word, yet you have a way of making even the most obscene words sound poetic. Well done, and good luck!

    Laura


  • Weltt
    June 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow! Incredibly powerful and intense. gritty yet remaining intellectual. Amazingly gripping write you have here.

  • Fallen Angel
    June 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awsome. Very vivid snd intense.


  • Poetic Obscenity
    June 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing. Whore, is an AMAZING word. I love it. I can feel the anger, angst, pain..it's great. =]


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    June 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome imagery here.

    Whore is a nice strong word.

    Enjoyed.

1 - 8 of 8