Cast me low
to dusty
ground,
no echo now
of fading
whimper
scatter my
ashes
to moaning wind.
Past tears,
I yearn for
cold demise.
Dry eyes
stare vacantly
at
nothing;
my star
has dissolved,
receded into
blackness.
A butt end,
I am hollow,
discarded nest of
swooping swallow;
disperse my
seedless soul,
let it fall
on cracked
barren
wilderness
where poets'
cries
are muted.
I long to lie
with yesterday's
ghosts.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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You've just captured how I feel today. A very gray poem, yet throbbing with emotion. Funny how apathy is always mixed with some other dreadful feeling. A need to be nothing, to have no strings attached, no qualms or worries, just that loving black silence... Fragmented pieces of sorrow sewn together beautifully. An excellent piece, Tony. I hope your day is a bit brighter.
~S.
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Melonchonic poem; but well composed.
I enjoyed this poem; images were dark, but fulfilled their task.
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So dark and yet beautiful. I think many people have a wish for when they die what they want done, it's just a human thing but we don't like to talk about it. I think of my mother when I read this poem and how she wanted to be cremated: she was. Most people who want cremation believe they'll become one with the earth, this poem made me think of that, I don't know if that was your intention but that's what came to my mind.
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I can't help noting your poetry name. I find your writing consistent with the mindset of Albert Camus, and that is to my liking. When you stay spare and open, I find you at your best. I was bothered by your breaking away with rhyme in three places. I don't think this works well and it breaks from the mood.
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I respect your views and have made some adjustments. I am a man who admires Albert Camus - you are absolutely right. Thank you for your constructive criticism, my friend.
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You writing style has really changed over the past while (course you deleted all your stuff so I can't back that up) but this is a very sad and lonely piece. Sounds like you're having the life drained out of you by some unseen force. Still, a very nice piece.
P.S. I'd check for vampires in the closet...just to be certain
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Hmm. I'm going to have to agree with below - I know you want it to appear scattered - but I feel it distracted me while reading.
Regardless, the poem is well written - alliteration in place as well as some profound imagery. Well done!
[♥]
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Okay, I surrender to your criticism of the structure and bend to your will - lol
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haha
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< TrulyLoothy
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coool,quite originall
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awww wow, this is lovely...great write *hugs*
you okay?
this is awfully sad
take care
stephanie
x
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