saw the crossing venture across
rushing water blues
imagined falling once or twice,
to fall into the oblivion
a seeming better fate.
but years tipping creaks
and racing termite feeds
i have not let them
get the better
of me
time standing still
as i reach dead center
so far...
so long to go.
can't make it
i can't
as i reach the clearing standing
solid ground
i kiss the grass
for the few seconds
of wise consideration
we have made it.
deliberation
dedication
graduation
with the bridge behind us.
its time to meet the mountain.
Author notes
we have made it. so many thoughts of failure, of other options that would never give us this chance. overcame the crossing, we move into fog with satisfaction.
i congratulate us all, class of 2008.
and now, on to more writing.
(i'm sorry, forgot to keep it to ten lines. got carried away again. )
A contest entry
- graduation by Dienush.
1550 points, ended June 15, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Hmm yeah, the line limit. But as long as you kept it interesting and not been arrogant about it, it's fine with me. I like the metaphor you used and the casual but poetic tone to this poem. I like how, though not really happy, this is hopeful. I think this has some filler parts - parts you added to make connections but which weren't necessary, like "deliberation
dedication
graduation". Also, I'd use a few less -ing verbs, if I were you. Other than that I really liked this poem, thank you for entering my contest
~Diana
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