Tranquil fragrance soaks the earth
As His breath raises dead souls,
Reviving the fallen soldiers;
The sound of blue
Casts love’s shadow
Into the first glimse of morning
Author notes
Writing the sequel to this poem: http://allpoetry.com/poem/4285741
In a list
A contest entry
- 30 words by Melissa Gayle.
500 points, ended June 17, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Mhmmm
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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"glimse" ? ;)
Perhaps glimpse is the word?
This is obviously a good write. I love the sound of blue line. What if colors had sounds? What a world of wonder we would have.. I would want to hear black and white in particular.
This is beautiful, but again has an ominuous sense. Great job. I think I like this one better then her scent even. Hm.
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I am a sucker for a good short write and this was done so perfectly. Best to you fine poet
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This is so sad. "fallen soldiers" -->
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-joan.
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This is well-written.
Not a fan of God, but this is done SO WELL!!!
"raises dead souls"
Both inspirational & morbid--nice combo.
"glimse"
I think you meant 'glimpse'.
The whole thing flowed nicely.
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beautifuly written
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Short yet powerful, I really enjoyed this piece. Thank you for sharing.
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Nice...
This is good.
I like it.
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Love it!!!!!!!!!
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WOW, thats amazing! I love ur poetry!!!
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Very nicely done. The images and emotion are beautiful.
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Bandit appreciation!
Thank you Sharcu, for contributing this poem to The Poetic Bandits reading list
~Lilac
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This was a beautiful poem I really liked the brevity and the message that you portrayed - wonderfully done! There is nothing that I can think of to constructively criticise at all
Keep writing
Polly
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BREATH TAKING!
This was a simple, short poem but it held great meaning and depth! A very impactful poem i have to say! and i love the structure, picture... OMGOSH! i love everything about this poem! >.<
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I like this poem, it leaves a whole lot to the imagination, and can be taken differently by each reader. Using blue to descibe a sound, is different, but, I expect that colors might vibrate to certain sounds, I imagine the sound of blue, would vibrate to the deep blue sea, waves and such, under a blue moon. So yeah! this is cool! Interesting!
Love & Light
Debbera
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Simply stunning. What more can i say? I really enjoyed this and it made me think quite a lot. Nice job poet.
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Poetry is open to interpertation, that is why it is poetry. If a reader can't follow a poet's train of thought, is that the fault of the poet or the reader?
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"Tranquil fragrance" seems too soft with what you have written. Bodies die, souls don't die, do they?
Are these specific soldiers, such as the Roman soldiers at Jesus' crucifixion? I'm a little confused.
I like the second half of the poem.
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Actually, if you could critize all of my poetry I'd love you forever.
But please don't think that I'm not take your feedback, just letting you know what I'm thinking by what I'm about to say, ok?
The poem is suppose to be soft... if you read my first one, its suppose to be dark, and this is suppose to be opposite and lighter. The other is about death, this is about more life. As far as souls not dying... this is poetry hence why you can make connections that aren't possible. The soul can't die, but you could be dead in yourself, out of your mind... where the soul dies in itself? but not literally... obviously blue doesn't make a sound either
As far as the soldiers, this poem is suppose to be open. It could be Roman soldiers, it could be fallen soldiers of God (we put on armor of Christ, right? so that makes us soldiers) who have fallen away and lost their faith, or died and are being risen with him, it could talk about how life is like a war and sometimes we are soldiers on a battle field of life and we die.... See, there are lots of comparisons with the soldiers reference. hehe.
Kinda an outside of the box poem.
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Ok. Sometimes I see poems where words are used for effect, but not really thought about how they fit together. You were deliberate in what you wrote and had reasons for writing that way.
Your readers won't always follow your train of thought.
I was at a writer's group last night, and my poem was critiqued. Part of it was not clear to any of them. It seemed to be clear to most people on here. I wanted this part of the poem to have clarity, so I changed it a bit. -
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Well, I just wrote this poem without any intention. I then went back and read it and created all the things I just told you. There is a lot of interpretations of it, not just one, not just a biblical one or even in the spiritual side there is a lot of perspectivies. Sometimes in reading poetry you need to be outside the box
But thank you... I appreciate an honest opinion rather then just telling me I'm good. 
Thank you.
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Great imagery and expression, unique and fresh. Good expressive write in so few words and I like the use of the different colored word for impact. Well done!
Bandits Rock!
Dennis
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How many times do you want me to comment this????
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I think this is wonderful.
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I get a sense of Military from this peice, though I'm not quite sure why. IF anyone could raise the dead I would have gone to them awhile ago, and not just after losing yet another dear close friend of mine. Not sure what else to say. Not in the best of moods.
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This gave me a feeling of being under the rain.
Like a peaceful feeling, and this is
very beautiful it sort of makes you
be "there" though am not sure where "there" is lol
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I think this is simply beautiful.
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Why thank you
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I think...
that if you keep on adding that tag everywhere you comment,
the whole world will soon know you're a greeter
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I already am doing that. Most people use a signature of some sort... mine is just a little more artsy
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arty-farty perhaps LOL?
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lol
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