Gusts sheared large green trees
snapped oaks from ground
lightning streaked blue-gray sky
crackled intense touched down
somewhere beyond steepled facade
where Jesus’ agony wept in cascades of sheeted rains.
A contest entry
- 30 words by Melissa Gayle.
500 points, ended June 17, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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A strong piece, its a snip of a scene that stands tall.
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Here is where you let us see a very clear scene.
The last line is a wonderful example of well used metaphor.
Another great work of brevity!
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Such a great write, with so few words, much more in-depth than a simple storm. Excellent, hon.
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Most
unexpected read ... but then I am never dissatisfied when reading a write from you. Not only word, but sight and sound packed into this poem. I found the reference to Jesus startling - I for one, appreciate this - and this makes the poem more precious. Thank you. Frans
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There is a church with a thirty or so foot[12 meters?]relief of Jesus on the cross, frontlit at night in cement...quite beautiful and striking to the eye; and this was the area of this particular high energy storm, of which we see more and more...so thanks for reading and your wonderful comment...PK
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Wow, what a powerful piece of description. The turn at the end was unexpected making what preceded so much the better for it. Love the juxtaposition of the steepled facade with the agony which seems, here, to have been causal. Amazing title, and wordplay. And you have also done some great things with the sounds you have employed. A great short.
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