Promises were never meant to be kept,
He says
In a way, it's true
You make one
"I'll be there for you"
You break one
"I'm leaving you"
She weeps
"He promised"
Promises were meant to be sneaky,
He says
He has a point
You make a promise
"I never meant to hurt you"
Right after you have broken it
"Now I will forever hold you in my arms"
That way it's safe
"Now you love me again"
But you know that when you do that
You're creating something slippery
Like his tongue which forms cold syllables
Like his lips that abruptly end the sentence
Like his hands, dirty and slimy and groping for more
It will slide out of your grasp
It will fall in pieces to the ground
Like the delicate locket he gave her
Like her silver-drop tears that are shed in vain
Like her soul, shattered and desolate and wishing for respite
A promise is nothing but a cruel trap set for the amusement of others.
The bait is carefully laid out --
Hollow words
Dipped in chocolate
From empty bodies
Sprayed with perfume
With shallow minds
Disguised by your eye
When it snaps shut on your heart
You are bound to it
With bittersweet passion
It causes you to writhe in pain
But you cannot let go
The teeth are dipped in poison
Which seeps into your mind
Giving you a drugged hope
That it will come true
A promise is nothing but a trick of light. Behind it is a twisted, sadistic smile holding a simple shard of glass.
By making a promise, he hopes to fulfill the dreams of others
But he can't help tossing it over his shoulder
And laughing at the scream that echoes behind him.
He will never change.
Author notes
I was inspired by:
Anger at the fact that I have a hard time keeping promises.
I have been disappointed by other people's false promises.
I know a person who is truly like this. He makes me sick.
"Rules suck"
A contest entry
- Round Contest - Round 1 - All are welcome by Florida Sunshine.
525 points, ended June 14, 2008, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Craze Contest by BlackSwan.
550 points, ended June 29, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me what you got...2 by Luckintheshadows.
1000 points, ended June 20, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems Please by Violet Moodswing.
875 points, ended June 29, 2008, 54 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Quite emotionally vivid. I think you sort of capture not only the person who doesnt seem want to keep a promise, but also the person who just doesnt seem to be capable. Or perhaps the person who allows themself to be persuaded into keeping promises they cant keep.
A thought provoking read to say the least
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Excellent!!! you have a hard time keeping promises? Me too..so I simply don't make them, it's so much easier.
I love the honest, stark, painful truth of this poem, it really hits home in a big way!!!
Thanks for sharing this and entering my contest,
Luck. -
Wonderful imagery!
I loved this particular line/ stanza
"Like the delicate locket he gave her
Like her silver-drop tears that are shed in vain
Like her soul, shattered and desolate and wishing for respite"
very well done!
-GL in contest -
The interesting thing about this poem is you give both sides of the fence; or at least I feel like I'm looking at both his and her thoughts.
I've always felt like a promise is sacred. Say, anything else but don't make a promise. ***according to your admission*** that you have a hard time in keeping promises -- as well been disappointed when others haven't kept promises to you. As I'm sure the person you didn't keep the promise to was equally as disappointed as you have been when it was done to you. [Dang, I hope you understood that...]
I've alway believe with a 'promise' has brought 'good intention.' Anyone who says, "Hey can I borrow that...I promise to bring it back!" Then, doesn't bring it back didn't intend on breaking the promise. Life twist, Life turns...spinning our words, spinning our lives...to a place where promises are broken. I'm now often sad when a promise is broken. Not because they 'broke' a promise. [Because normally I don't lend anything; money, items or whatever I'm not willing to never see again.] Some of my 'friends' feel since they borrowed the $100.00 with the promise they'd pay me on Friday, but never do. They can't still be my friend. My opinion is you can 'still' be my friend, but I'm not lending you 'another' $100.00 until you repay your first loan.
My friendship has never been about the promise... I know things happen. I try to tell my friends I really care about them, and if something meant more to me than their friendship I wouldn't had given it to them.
I know I went on and on.... SEE what your poem has evoked in me.... Terrific subject matter cause I'm sure EVERYONE has an opinion about how to handle a 'broken' promise.
However, your part of the poem:
"A promise is nothing but a cruel trap set for the amusement of others.
The bait is carefully laid out --
Hollow words
Dipped in chocolate
From empty bodies
Sprayed with perfume
With shallow minds
Disguised by your eye"
that is written, is totally different. Someone who makes a promise with the intent to swindle, or take in some fashion isn't making promises but simply a low-life thief. I still feel that a promise comes only with those who have 'intended' to complete the promise. Those con-artist out there that swindle peoples money etc... through 'love' are completely different. I would pose you would need to determine if the 'intention' is there or not.
I enjoyed pondering your poem... I'm going to go ponder some more
Thanks for entering the round contest ~ best of luck to you I enjoyed this.
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Wow, thanks! I'm glad my poem made you think and ponder... I didn't expect to make it to the finalists list, but I did and that makes me really happy!
I just hope I'll be able to do well in the next round, too!
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Wow. This is awesome!
I really liked the imagery you used, especially "hollow words dipped in chocolate".
This is REALLY good, Branusz.
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Thanks, Cintusz! I'm glad you liked it! ^-^
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