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You and Me

Making love

            love
love
             love

with you...

Your eyes open
the sky disappears,
they close
and swallow up
the moon

Look at us

Your lips push away
the promises
of ever after,
but they promise now
in the bend of your body
and the cradle
of your arms

this is us

and in your rhythmmmm
I can feel the swell
of home and the ocean,
everything I need
and want
rocking so gently
against me

don’t be afraid

how could I ever be?
When your smile falls
into mine
and your heart speaks
to mine,
and the creation
of us
begins?

Author notes

Prompt: Creation

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • chilali
    September 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Incredible! I'm new over here, and so far I've read almsot all of your work! And I must say, all of them are.. Wow. I can't even describe how I feel when I read all of them. The way the words flow and go so well with each other, it's just so perfect.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    September 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    very beautiful

    yeah..


  • Sesheta
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Interesting take on the prompt

    Your eyes open
    the sky disappears,
    they close
    and swallow up
    the moon

    What a beautiful stanza. And beautiful poem. Ahhh, ~glorious~


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    July 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good stuff.

    "When your smile falls into mine ... "

    "... and the creation of us begins."

    such tight, true narrative.

    Thanks for this, Lane.

    Tom


  • zochit2me gold member
    June 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You are surely love love loved lady lane...

    by everyone you touch with words

    Becky


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    June 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ok... I was worried when I saw "love love love..".
    But it works. awesomeness.


  • Matt Holck
    June 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    the blending into one
    the extension of each vision


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    June 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wonderfully penned here poet.
    Loved it


    passions

    • Dalaney gold member
      June 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Passions....

      Thank you so much for reading my poetry...after workshop ends and I leave NYC and head home I'll have more time to catch up on my own poetry reading...you, of course, will be one of the first Love, Lane


  • melphleg gold member
    June 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice take on creation sensually describing the creation process of intimate oneness. Most creative piece I've read in the contest so far.


    • Dalaney gold member
      June 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Mel...

      Thank you very much for reading my poem
      Love, Lane


  • james119
    June 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very interesting take on the prompt
    "and the creation
    of us
    begins?"
    the question so tentative.


    Your eyes open
    the sky disappears,
    they close
    and swallow up
    the moon

    adoration so well expressed, and sensual.

    thanks for entering


  • paulcreates silver member
    June 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love it that you put this in the "pink" list instead of "red" list. It's a more fitting color...

    ...so is gold.



    Paul


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    June 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    [I'm visiting once in a while, reading lots, commenting little.]

    An imaginative construction, only half a step away from how you usually frame a poem, but it seems so innovative. I love the dual voices.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    June 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautifully built, the bricks of verse joined by the mortar of the isolated lines, a terrific soundscape and very thought provoking.

    I like it, there is an insistent little voice at the back of my head saying me me me me me he may be in the middle of a shadow, we shall see.


    • PassionsPromise gold member
      June 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      well it may be you you you you...
      in the shadow...

      passions


      • Dalaney gold member
        June 10, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        Passions...

        ...it could be be be lol

        Thank you for reading my poetry.

        Love, Lane


  • HaleyMary
    June 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful, Lane. I liked the flow of this. Very sensual emotion and imagery and I liked the ending. Great take on the prompt. Love itself can be a creation in life. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest.


  • sailor ptolema
    June 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    lavoro buono!!!

    oh this is fabulous, a unique take, as always, on the prompt!


  • Cannonsfire
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Glorious in its expressions of love and safety that begins in the arms of the one you love. Sigh... Love, Cheryl


  • tara wilson gold member
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Your lips push away
    the promises
    of ever after,
    but they promise now
    in the bend of your body"

    there is nothing like feeling in the now with someone like this...wonderfully sensual, Lane, I love this..best of luck in the contest..


  • Pure Thought silver member
    June 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    MY Lady

    I don't think Me is me. LOL

    I like the flow of this one.


  • JohnnyD gold member
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Masterfully constructed and word smithed like
    a Merriam Blacksmith. Perfection of flow and thought and sensations....would be perfect for the prologue of your book. Perfect!



    Len


  • KayJay
    June 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done... with a smooth flow and a steady voice and a heartfelt emotion...
    Ken

1 - 25 of 25