Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Valentine Horror

The secret of this day,
Is a dark and scary one.
A little girl loved a boy.

Thought they were perfect,
For each other.
Had their first valentines.

The boy came by.
Said "I love you."
The girl said the same.

They were happy.
But, then...
They started arguing.

Started fighting.
Jealousy reared it's ugly head.
The boy walked up to the girl.

"I hate you"
The girl was heart broken.
She walked away.

She hid her tears.
She kept hiding for weeks.
In the news the next day.

"Little girl, commited suicide"
"All because she was told something."
She wrote a note.

"I loved you,
Now look what you caused,
I hope you are happy with her"

The boy saw this.
He walked to the attic.
He commited suicide.

His note
"I really loved her,
I hated that slut,
I will join her,
In Hell"

This story is true,
The poor couple.
On their second Valentines.

Author notes

well... it's sorta based off some chain mail stuff... but other then that... it's still okay... right? *shrugs* enjoy...

xXDarkChildXx - Kayla

A contest entry

What do you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • thepoetsings
    July 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Editorial comments:
    - line 4. no comma after "perfect"
    - line 8. comma after "Said"
    - line 11. no comma after "but"
    - line 14. no apostrophe in "its"
    - line 17. "heartbroken" is one word
    - line 38. "Valentine's", if it's as in Valentine's Day, needs an apostrophe

    You started out using periods whenever you ended a sentence. Bye the end, your use of punctuation was really inconsistent. I would suggest that you look over that again.

    This certainly does read like one of those chain e-mails...and assuming that's what you were going for, you achieved your goal. I have to be honest though...I really don't like those things. Sorry! Thanks for the entry, though.

  • kissofsun
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    sad

    But I like it a lot. Love sucks some times. That is just how it is. I like the next to last stanza the best. Made me chuckel a little. But im wierd. Great story line.
    KoS