The eyes I cannot
Seem to forget
With the tears
Of fears
And sometimes regret
When Lust Love and Paradise
All merged to one
You were with me
I thought you were the one
But rainbows and kittens
All fade away
When twisted lies
And deceit
Come our way
When storm clouds that gather
And the stars that may collide
I thought I would love you
Until the end of time
But everything
Our come what may
Seemed to shrivle
Into the grey
Our storm clouds
Turned to hurricanes
You and I were both to blame
The stars came corrupted
And fell from the skys
This was the last thing
This was our last goodbye
This somewhat hate filled rendition
Looking back now
With a blood stained tear
I'm wondering how
With a blood stained tear
Taking out my knife
I want to rip up the memories
I want them out of my life
But alas they stay
And for good reason
These are the memories
That keep me strong
All the way through
The seasons.
Tell me what you think, I really do want some honest feedback
Comments
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no
man i know who this is about and don't try and play me and tell me it isn't. Why can't you just let it go and leave her alone? she has a boyfriend who really cares about her, and i ain't gona sit by and watch you tear yourself apart because you can't be with someone who was with you once but has found somebody better suited to her needs.
You gave away who the poem was about with the friggin title you idiot...and i'm just saying back off and leave her alone, you know what's happened before when you've given people attention they don't want...it sent you to a dark place and I think you don't want to go back there.
I've tried to be a friend to you this year Marc, I really have, but for once actually LISTEN to me: leave 'Sam' alone, even just for a while.
I'm only around for another year and then i'm off to Uni, so I won't be able to help you out all the time...so just start listening to me for once and actually take in some of the advice I give. You know i'm right, you just know it.
David -
I think this piece is pretty good. : ) My only critique would be of some of the fairly cliche terms such as "tears, fears, lies"...I think if you could be more specific as to what your fears where, why you were crying, or what the lie was, it may improve the piece. But this reminds me a lot of my early writing, and especially my old poem Tunnel to China - if you'd like to check it out. : )
- Solaris
-
I really like this piece it was very well done. It flowed well and was full of much emotion. I am sorry you have had to go through this it always hurts when you lose someone. Best of luck in life and keep your chin up. Thank you for sharing this it was a good write
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But everything
Our come what may
That part is the only thing I can find in this whole piece that doesn't flow well..
Other than that this piece is great! What caught my eye was the title. I enjoyed this piece. Well done!
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