It was only a small cocoon—or more
accurately, a chrysalis—gleaned
from rich, damp soil as I
ripped weeds out
by nascent
roots;
I wanted pristine earth to plant my
seeds, where I would have no
worries that stray growth
might stultify, stifle,
suffocate new
life;
But instead of emptiness, I found
a chrysalis, life-hardened
cocoon protecting
something new,
promised
hope;
So I placed it in a mason jar half-
filled with moistened dirt,
snugged it deep within
its darkness, waited
what would
come;
And had forgotten it—almost—
when one day passing by
I glanced, unthinking.
The phoenix moth
unfurled vivid
wings.
A contest entry
- Cocoons & Rebirth A Poetic Challenge by BluesMan.
3500 points, ended June 13, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To all poets. Possibly a challenge resides within. by morgana raven.
2060 points, ended March 3, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I like this, nothing more to be said. Its good with words, imagery and layout.
Thanks for entering.
Laura. -
a very effective metaphor, because it is not only fitting, but layered and multi-dimensional. and filled out with details, a surrounding narrative in which it is "snugged" comfortably, with pretty much only the title to reveal the additional shades of meaning. the fourth stanza was particularly vivid and subtle for me.
i also like how the shape/form of the poem is sort of a cocoon itself.
the double use of the pronoun "it/its" in the fourth stanza, seeming to refer to two different things, was a bit ambiguous, even though i think i got what you were referring to. wonder if might be able to replace one of them with something a little more specific to make the sentence a little clearer. the phrasing of
"that stray growth
might stultify, stifle,
suffocate new
life;"
seemed a little odd to me, the placement of "might" after the sureness of "that stray growth," that you distinguish between one which you know will result and other things you're afraid may, just as far as the "flow" or whatever, trip over this a bit.
otherwise, very nice, a great way to describe this, breathing new life into a fairly common image/metaphor. nice. -
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Thanks for your extensive comments; much appreciated. All three of the "it/its" in stanza four are meant to refer to the crysalis. And I agree that the "stultify" stanza stutters a bit. Let me think on that one. But again, thank you for taking the time and energy to read so closely.
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Spot on
I never thought of depression quite this way. It is an ongoing battle. And comming out of it, into light is much the way that you gave described. -
Spring is the time for new wings, this poem seems to speak to the idea of birth as if rebirth...metamorphasis; and how passage affects the developing idea and the observer too...very well done in imagery and wonderful depth...PK
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Sometimes you go from chrysalis to freedom as if a light switch had just been turned on The question is where do you go now that you can see? heheh Thank you for entering my contest
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Thanks in return for hosting it. Writing the poem was meaningful and enlightening...for me, one of the purposes of writing poetry.
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Aha! Micol unfolds...
The words reveal a metamorphosis...
of the writer.
Bravo!
Aesthete
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Very nice ...
and very nicely done.
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This one came more rapidly than most, perhaps because it is more personal than most, perhaps because my perceptions of where i am have altered much for the better in the past few weeks. Thanks for reading it and for commenting so graciously.
michael
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I absolutely love this metaphor. I read this over 3-4 times slowly and it does...it resembles the slow painstaking work of therapy...and how often we find a surprising beauty within ourselves where once was thought only darkness and despair. Of note, the phoenix moth revealed itself in it's own natural timing.
If I were to have to pick among your best writes, I'd be hard pressed to do so.
Paul
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I love the way your poem "unfolds!"
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