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You made a promise

She stood there with a blank expression
Her tiny hands softly clutching her round belly
Taking in everything he was saying to her
She opened her mouth to speak

You made a promise
You made a promise..
To me
That you and I will always be…
Together…
Forever…

He ran his fingers through his hair
He stared at the ground as he started to speak
It was hard for him to tell her
That he had found someone else

You made a promise
You made a promise…
To me
That you will always be…
Faithful
Forever

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • tears.of.silence
    April 8

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    This is very good. But I think this would have been better had it been played out more. Although the emotions are there. It's very well thought out. I give you 14 for this poem. You've got 41 points so far. Thanks for entering the contest and best of luck to you. Kahy


  • The-Choke
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Some people say promises are meant to be broken, I kind of tend that promises are just taken too lightly these days by the people who make them, and then too seriously by the ones who they were made to once the promise is broken. I don't know if that makes any sense, but those are the thoughts that this poem brings out of me.


  • Chrysalis
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    better a broken promise, than none at all. But after reading this... the promise seemed distant like it was still on a process, probably waiting for it to come true I guess. Overall I thought it was nicelyy done.
    blessed be
    -Blanche


  • Endeavor gold member
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very Good

    You made a promise
    You made a promise…
    To me
    That you will always be…
    Faithful
    Forever

    Quite good
    I felt your plea

    I listen to what is said
    and watch what they do

    Hopefully they match

    Rick


  • Beriothien
    June 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    )'= I usually don't get sad while reading a poem, but this brought horror to my mind. It's so depressing how something like this can happen almost everyday.


    • loving.a.soldier
      June 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment! And yes it is depressing to know that this really does happen. Thank you again!


  • twaintwine
    June 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    To Be Continued....?

    This is like a cliff-hanger! What happens? Does he NOT tell her and do the right thing? Does he tell her and she goes mad, does something stupid? I need a sequel here...you can't just leave me hanging like this! I love the hidden agenda in this poem, that you go into the character and there the reader finds something that is not revealed to the "speaker"...this poem is actually pretty intricate, the speaker shifts from the girl to an ominipotent observer...which is kinda cool. I think you should make more of this, and play with it, like go into the heads and lead the reader to THINK a certain thing will be revealed, and then maybe it isn't, and so this poem could have twists and turns and red herrings like a good mystery novel or something. You are on to something...


    • loving.a.soldier
      June 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hey! Thanks for the comment. And I'm not sure what I want to do with it yet. We'll see

  • DarkRomantic113
    June 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow...this is so real life. It happens...

  • luv2dream gold member
    June 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is sad. you could feel his apprehension.

1 - 12 of 12