Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Gateway

~~~~


Were there no September

to breathe her tender breaths,

none of nature could ever rest,

sleep on Winter’s snowy breast.



~~~~~

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Lyndon gold member
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As I see it, your poem is suggesting that September eases us and all life into winter. The brevity of the poem made it a bit difficult for you to communicate fully your theme. I agree with Pamela in that the final line is abrupt and really leaves it to the reader to decide what you want to communicate.
    Thank you for your poem.
    Lyndon of the Winklings.


    • Sprite silver member
      July 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for your comment on Gateway. Though you said that I left it to the reader to decide what I wanted to convey, you got the message perfectly. The last line is a continuation of the one before. An explanation as to what "rest" I mean. Without the fall months Winter would be abrupt indeed. ~ Joyce


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    July 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I do like this very much. I kept wanting to say 'nor sleep on winter's snowy breast for that last line. I think because I understood it to be as such. Nice use of rhyme in brevity which is tough to do. Meter is perfect. Well done with this one. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela


    • Sprite silver member
      July 17, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for your comment. I had to stick to my form so could not put that as the last line. I, too, think it would be nice that way. ~ Joyce


  • February Moon gold member
    June 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Loved this!


  • BluesMan gold member
    June 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    For without a blanket of leaves to lay Winters frost would cut deep to springs dismay. I couldn't help but ad a few more lines to the end of you beautiful poem Heheh LOL Bill


    • Sprite silver member
      June 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the continuation of my poem. I also wished that I could use more words. ~ Joyce


  • Lavender Butterfly silver member
    June 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    creatively expressive and profoundly detailed... x

    • Sprite silver member
      June 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, Lavender Butterfly. I do try to be more creative in writing. Joyce


  • Viva La Vie Boheme
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is reminiscent of Robert Frost. And that - in case there was any confusion - is a very, very high compliment

    Keep writing!


    • Sprite silver member
      June 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      As always, you are so complimentary! Robert Frost? I am way too flattered. Thank you. ~ Joyce

1 - 11 of 11