Tossing and turning,
Sheets restraining my sweaty body,
Twisted around my legs like a trap,
The harder I squirm, the more they tighten like a vice
Squeezing energy from me
Like water from a rock.
I am so tired of this cycle.
Sometimes I want to be rid of you, once and for all.
Leave nothing left to salvage,
Just burn it up, and leave no planks on the bridge.
It would be easier, I think.
If you were gone completely.
I could forget you and you could forget about us.
Then…
I think about what you say to me.
My mind fills with could bes,
Would bes,
Should bes,
And meant to bes.
But no! I know the truth.
And it burns inside me, so fiercely.
I do not doubt it, but I conceal it.
From you, and sometimes from myself.
No matter how many promises or “I love you”s
I will never want that future.
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