i know what shines
beneath closed doors,
the drops of blood
in your coffee.
and i know what you meant
to say about the bruises
from swallowing the sky
so we had none
(and daddy, dearest,
she knows too).
you made us into ribbons
with rainbow edges
when you told us
to doubt any kind
of morality.
(daddy, daddy,
we already forgot
yours.)
and i wish i believed
in fifteen years of silence,
so maybe god would be
angry at you,
not shower lightning and brass
onto my head.
there is a mockingbird
on your shoulder, calling
"thief, thief"
to the man who stole angels
from the orchard.
and you will never know
how much i hate you,
for i cannot part my lips
to speak.
Author notes
very personal.
suna... i've never told you why he left.
A contest entry
- TI8 - Round 10 - Top 4 - Finale - Assignment 3 by Tangled Angle.
1400 points, ended June 15, 2008, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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even though i felt there was a big of vagueness - i still felt the emotion, very powerful. it's as if it were a clip from a movie. i thought you did a good job.
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I wouldn't put a period at the end of stanza one, perhaps a hyphen instead?
The 'and i wish i believed' stanza is extremely powerful and something that I can fully understand.
I wish the ending was different though, your last two lines of that stanza work but its the first two lines that I just didn't care for - though I understand why you wanted it there. -
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Melissa-
Thanks for the comment; I figure this might need some explaining.
My parents got a divorce on Valentine's Day of this year (ironically, the same day they got engaged 16 years ago), and my sister... she thought it would be better for me if she told me why they broke up. It really didn't, it just caused a lot of personal problems with myself, and made me feel like the family wasn't good enough, that I wasn't good enough.
But, I haven't told my parents that I know yet, because they both agreed that we didn't need to know, that it would just end up hurting us. So I keep quiet about it, but it's very difficult because I blame my father for a lot of the problems I'm having and the family is having. So... it's difficult, because he's my father, I love him, but at the same time, I hate him.
It wasn't the most beautiful stanza, I understand, you're right there. But... in a way, it's the whole meaning of my relationship with my father, and it's the most raw expression of how I have to interact with my father. So, doubtless this will affect my score, but I honestly can't see myself changing it. It's me saying something on paper that I can't say outloud to him.
And yes, that should have been a hyphen, but I can't change that now.
I wish I could though, you're right. Hah.
Sorry, this was a long response.
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aw.
this was so sad and beautiful and just...real.
darling, you definitely put yourself out there for this.
i'm sorry for whatever it is, but just know that it's made you a stronger person.
struggles tend to do that to us.♥
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i had a feeling you would choose this event in your life...but yeah, i guess i didn't know a lot of the details.
"and you will never know
how much i hate you,
for i cannot part my lips
to speak."
um.......wow.
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