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your breath tastes like ashes, and home



in another
world, i guess,
i sat here, waiting for you.
but that’s neither here nor there, i swear
that your arms have always meant more to me
than the breath of empty lines,
clasping your heart close because
i know that my own body has long let go. i hope
you realize that I never want you to be any less than sitting
underneath a hemlock tree, brushing caterpillars from your spine,
and sighing. but not for release this time,
never for release






Author notes

huh

make me angry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
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Comments

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    I don't like the 'i guess' in line two.

    I absolutely love 'the breath of empty lines' that is amazing.

    The only critique, is all of the 'i's' in the piece.

    The other line 'underneath a hemlock tree..." was also exquisite.

    Besides the 'i's' and the 'i guess', there was also the 'i swear' that bothered me.

    Otherwise I have to say this is extremely well done.

  • mtpoet
    June 16
    Edit | Reply
    Another gem...


  • rawr41507
    June 11
    Edit | Reply
    i like it. =]