a hasty retreat to hide the feelings
lost among sleepless nights of chilling
swims
summer touches the threat of winter
Author notes
prompt: "Without September"
20 words
A contest entry
- #97 20 words; 20 entries; Winklings only, by Lavender Butterfly. by Lyndon.
1500 points, ended July 23, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I have felt the chill you describe, you captured it well! Congratulations.
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Really 21 words as the title is part of the syntax of the poem.
Entwined ideas in this poem. One is seasonal and the other metaphorically involves your inner life.
Reasonably well done, really.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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thanks
oh really . .20 words will do . . don't need to confuse the issues as usual . . -
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The issue of 20/21 words did not come into the judging.
[Often poets use the title as the first line of a poem and you did this as well. What a pedant would do in this case I haven't a clue.
]
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Oh!
I loved that last line to set the movement of seasons. Lack of punctuation in this piece is a non-issue due to consistency.
Well done with brevity - I was dipping my toe into a cooler pond with this. Excellent! Just Excellent! ~Pamela
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Lovely.
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Some of the warmest water of summer is in September and with out it a swim would be cold indeed . This little write is a gem.
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deeply expressive and immensely detailed... x
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Your poem took me back to another time, when there were swimming holes and muddy feet running across the grass. Nice write. The last line is true of September. Good luck. ~ Joyce
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It's lovely, so emotionally driven, so true. It is a wonderful piece. Good luck in the contest!
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