Tell me nothing
of the morning glow,
of tear drop glints
in ice cold snow.
Tell me delights
of balmy breeze,
of shell like sounds
and clear blue seas.
Tell me of laughter
sweet and strong,
of castles floating
in the wide beyond.
Tell me a story
of sheer delight,
to hide fears and shadows
from a child at night.
I'll tell you words
that hold you safe,
in tender lines,
for a lonely waif.
I'll promise all
if you give a smile,
as the sandman drifts
into tired young eyes.
Author notes
~~~
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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This was a really good poem, but the ending was quite dissapointing, it was almost as if you gave up and just filled it with sentences to put an end to it. A poem is not a wild beast, ravaging and amazing but needs to be shot to stop it, it needs to finish through just as powerful. If you go back and rework that final part you will be very thankful at the results. If you intended it to be as such, than for goodness sakes don't change it, but I feel as if you just rushed to finish. Good luck though
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I had to smile at your perception
and yes, I will go back and re-work it. It was written on a whim with little thought, and it is only when someone brings my attention to a poem that I can see where I failed dismally 
. I always appreciate critques as precise as the one you kindly wrote and will take your advise with a grateful heart 
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Such a soothing written poem. Full of warm fuzzy feelings.
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Thank you Delighted you enjoyed it
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INNOCENT THOUGHTS PUT TOGETHER SO BEAUTIFULLY...
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I agree with Ativan about the last stanza. When I am putting kids to bed, I think I would promise them anything if they would just lay down and close their eyes! This is a very sweet poem. I like this one:
"Tell me delights
of balmy breeze,
of shell like sounds
and clear blue seas."
Maybe "shell like sounds" should be "shell-like sounds"
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wow... it is very nice. I thought you wouldn't follow through after the first paragraph but you did and it is a lovely poem. The rhyming scheme is advanced and lovely. The end paragraph did not follow in quality of the rest of the poem. If you read it to yourself, it does not quite flow solidly. However, the rest of the poem is an A. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing it.
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Thank you for your constructive comments I am always delighted when someone takes the trouble to point out inconsistancies. I enjoy rhyme but still struggle with it at times Many thanks
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i think this is a really well written poem by a very talented writer
i hope you will continue to write poems as good as this one
i have also read some of your other poems that you have written and i completely loved them all.
i hope that if i ever have a contest that you among others will enter. -
That was such a pretty little poem! :-) Beautiful rhyming.
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Thank you for your kindness as always, very much appreciated
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Wonderful flow and rhyme!! The descriptions are amazing!! Well done again. I love your poetry!! Good job as always Keep on posting!!
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Thank you so much for your wonderful comments...I am delighted that you enjoy my poetry and I shall endeavour to produce more
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Some vividly evocative imagery going on here and I liked the way you use repetition to open each stanza. This really creates a softly gentle mood and tone, appropriate form and diction throughout.Very mellow indeed. thanks for sharing.
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Thank you for reading Delighted you enjoyed it
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This was a very great write, I realy liked this. I seems like something I could see reading from a book to my daughter when I'm older. I very lovely write, please, keep the pen flowing
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Thank you Delighted you enjoyed it
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'Tell me delights
of balmy breeze'
'Tell me of laughter
sweet and strong'
'Tell me a story
of sheer delight'
....beautiful innocent wishes of any human being
We all want sweet laughter, sheer delight, and balmy breeze....and all that is beautiful...
Thank you for your wonderful write
It's as delightful as balmy breeze...
Kisses, my dear!
Galaxy2
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A lullaby, I wish I'd have thought of that. I was thinking nursery rhyme. Whatever, it's great, and great to hear from you Ms Pie (Thank you)
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Glad you enjoyed it my friend
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Such a sweet and soothing lullaby, just beautifully soft. Love, C
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Thank you...delighted that you enjoyed it
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This is so lovely and heartfelt. It has a certain honesty and simple beauty to it that I felt as though someone was getting ready to tell me a bedtime story.
Wonderful job. -
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Thank you for your kindness
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