Caress on soft sands, gift of my
liquid majesty
Ceaseless swell steered by
enduring vitality
My heartbeat pulses from
depths undiscovered; fluid
touch constantly seeks
my beloved
Reception I hunger is found
in your bay; subtle
seduction of
incessant sway
Infinite union where
two lovers meet...
relentless movement
advance
retreat
Undying dance
of obscure and reveal; naked
exposure before moves
to conceal
Unharnessed energy, released
on your shore
Comes salty surge; erupts
with a roar
Now fated withdrawal brings
insatiable yearn for connection
I'm pulled to ever return
A contest entry
- Loose yourself into Largeness by Thoughts-of-Soloman.
1750 points, ended July 11, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Remember You! by BeautifulMistakes.
600 points, ended July 29, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Great to see this receive a Gold!
It so well deserves it!
X
X
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this is excellent poetry-yes well written-congrats on gold
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Thank you Michael.
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Wow. I really liked this, but I'm not sure what I should do because I said it was supposed to be basic text, no fancy form or whatnot...I don't know if I should consider your spacing a fancy form...but I really liked it. I'm torn! I guess I will wait until tonight...we'll see how much I remember it (that is, after all, what the contest is based on!)
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Hey, wow! Thanks so much for the Gold!!
If one is to win a contest, then 'make me remember you' is certainly a flattering one to win. Glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you!
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Awww the Love
Woah again true loves dance. Coming together and moving apart, but always connected. As two but as one, a sharing. "advance retreat" Swelling goes down and can come back again. Flow with one another. Rippling out and rippling back in again. Beautiful work of art here.
Keep Feelin' Fascination,
~Tiffany~
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Well deserved for the trophy.Congrats!
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Thanks Ruby. Congratulations on your trophy too!
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Universal voice...I like the roar of the ocean that mellows into the lapping wave against the shore...constantly in motion and renewing the 'dance' as you write "insatiable yearn for connection"...oh, very sexy largeness here...lol...Peace, Rhonda
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Another! Your on a roll today! Thanks Rhonda
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Alluding straight to the nature, rather than just stating what it is as if something 'fixed', I prefer it this way and believe it keeps the vision receptivity and exploration more open.
We are in vision of a grand image of nature, expressing a love affair at work in creation, which is exactly what the prompt was intended to point at.
There is no doubt of the seductive sexual qualities expressed throughout and also quite completely... whether intended or not; they were, are and have, come out in this piece and in a more than subtle way both physically and spiritually.
Nothing wrong in that, especially if it's kept on the grand and more universal scale as opposed to a smaller particularised one. You have done so and even if this is seen as a large mirror, in which you have reflected aspects of your own thoughts, this is natural and I believe is largely how we see the world anyway.
This is a great poem, the break in the centre between the setting of the scene and it's qualities, to a valid description of active revelation moving into nature adds greatly to its success.
My only further comment would be, that I'd now like to read something from you that sank more into the weight and awe of the subject. If you were in its very depths and immersed even deeper into the element of 'Water' itself, I wonder what might come from those 'depths undiscovered'?
Excellent!
Thank you very much for bringing it to us.
Sol
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I know you were disappointed that you didn't have three 'golds' to give in your contest, so I just entered this in another and won....yes, Gold!
So thank you for the original inspiration to write it. It's as much your Gold as it is mine.X
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Thank you very much Sol.
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beautiful
So much movement in your poem, really beautiful
It draws me in and gives me a sense of the ocean.
Wonderful poetry.
Isabellacohen -
Wow hun! You are doing such a fantastic job with your writting. I love the imagery in this one!♥
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what I see
between the back
and forth, edged white
within undoing
motion
merging, merged
within,
forces far beyond the moon
returning like a tide
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Thank you Liza! Love your comments.
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Oh, I really enjoyed the word play in that first stanza. And that is not something usually up my alley. There was just something formidable there. Sharp and direct. For some reason I thought of being swallowed by a woman form, possibly goddess-like. Your strongest stanza is the one right before the end. Powerfully penned. I also liked the two words in the middle that separate the stanza's without force. A gentle tapping down the page.
God girl. You are good.
;
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(For some reason I thought of being swallowed by a woman form, possibly goddess-like.)
Great!!! Thank you
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You are welcome, love.
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Well my goodness... if the ocean is like that I'm diving in!!!!!!! hehe
Beautifully sensual and took me on quite a ride!
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Beautiful, moving, powerful...like the ocean....
( ...not that Im buying that ocean story at ALL
)
georgeous imagery...great job, Good luck in the contest!
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Oh, will no-one buy the ocean story?!
Thank you.
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Whew... a bit randy today are we?
What a beautifully erotic penning... the subtle rhyme is almost invisible as you're swept up in the emotions... Well done!
Ken -
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Randy? Beautifully erotic? I have no idea what you mean!
'Tis about the ocean!
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Very nice entry to the contest. great imagery, nice and dreamy..
Undying dance
of obscure and reveal; naked
exposure before moves
to conceal
Best of luck in the contest
Ruby
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Thank you Ruby. (I forgot to mention on yours, love your background too!)
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Thank you about the background..thanks for googlelol
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my thoughts initially... too many gerunds... in other words too many words ending - ing ... lol
rhyme by all means luv, but make it count, i want to see this write expand and reach its full potential... i wouldn't normally comment at this time, as you know... but ... this piece can go somewhere.. make it go somewhere
big clues given... -
Mmmm... wonderful rocking motion in this. Thank you for this swell poem.
All the best with the judging.
Sol -
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Thank you Sol. All the best with the judging yourself! Your entries have increased quite a bit since last I looked!!
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