Listen...
Listen quietly, closely to the miracles.
How does music come to nature?
In the night, creatures of the moonlit darkness sing.
The darkness rejoices at the sight of his light.
The creatures sing for the darkness.
The moon rejoices at the feel of her cool mate.
The creatures hum for the light.
The winds laugh,
The clouds turn gray above the city in smoggy pleasure.
The stars, obscured, though dazzling in wonderous fire over us.
The twilight has settled, and the light and darkness comfort each other.
Silently, they sleep together,
Suspended among the stars, the clouds, while stirring with the wind.
Sadly, the dawn approaches.
The darkness and his mate escape the ever-powerful sun.
The shades disappear, and only light is to be seen.
The creatures of day sing and hum, for they are miracles as well.
But the creatures of the night, they weep in silence.
Their time has come.
Their restlessness, over.
They mourn for the darkness, longing to sing once more.
They rejoice once more when the sun sets,
But shall be disappointed once more
In a few hours due time,
When the moon wanes again.
A contest entry
- Round TWO: all you brilliant young poets....20 and under... by islekine.
630 points, ended June 11, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - KIDS VS. ADULTS by longlife by longlife.
425 points, ended June 26, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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The winds laugh! I love that line. Great poem. There were so many different words that fell together in a beautiful lovely poem PRETTY
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I truly enjoyed this write!! Well done..
It could be exceptional...if you remember a couple things...in poetry, if you use a word, try to use it only once...at least in a stanza....and stay away from "filler" words....check this out:
Their time has come.
Their restlessness, over.
They mourn for the darkness, longing to sing once more.
They rejoice once more when the sun sets,
But shall be disappointed once more
In a few hours due time,
When the moon wanes again.
THIS IS YOUR LAST STANZA....Check it out edited as above....then try it with your whole poem....
We already know WHO you are talking about so:
Their time has come.
Restlessness, over.
Mourning for the darkness, longing to sing once more.
rejoicing again when the sun sets,
But shall be disappointed,
in a few hours due time,
When the moon wanes again.
the flow is much smoother...This will score high in imagery and creativity.....
and it flows well now...just could be a real winner!!
(It may even take Gold here...I judge and score as I go...so I don't know who wins til the end)
Best wishes!
Write on!
*PEACE*
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