My stoic stance
conceals silent screams
[I cannot breathe
beyond brokenness]
Chained to this
self-imposed chasm ...
... comfort cannot reach
Author notes
Prompt: (20 words)
Everything close appears in the distance,
as I battle shadows I pretend not to fear. – me
In a list
A contest entry
- Quickie 10-20-30 by Cerulean.
475 points, ended June 8, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Wow! Very deep hun! You have went beyond with this prompt! Congrats on the Silver!
♥
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Truer words never spoken, we are our own nemesis....looking in the mirror can be the hardest thing to do.....
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Yes it is my friend!
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Wow! Powerful words. I cannot breathe beyond brokenness. Love it! Congrats on the silver.
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This is so true for more ofeen then not wee are our own worst enemy. And we often stand staring within its face and deny the truth. You hhave captured truth that like I, you most of us have felt and lived inn very few words. So very well stated when you dig within you pen beauty. Congrats on the silver well deserved
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I love the strength of your personal writes.
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WHEW~ Wonderful!! what a opening powerhouse!!
Adored the first 2 lines. But the whole is wonderful
YEA!!! another shiney to tribute your talent.
Delila
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wow dis again is deep your poetry is amazin and dark abe *clappy* *clappy* *clappy*
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Excellent
Oh my felt this way myself so often. So full of truth. Congrats on the silver.
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So sad dear....another excellent dark write..Congrats on the silver YAH! *party*
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You nailed the prompt here Jackie!!..You caught the essence of it
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Congrats on the silver!
Wow a superb piece, see your muse is back You'll have to take it easy or it'll be off again 
Congrats on the silver hunni
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I feel this - from head to soul.. An incredibly penned take on the prompt here dear. You truly shine in these quickies!!! Great piece!
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Thanks hun!
Sigh... as do I...I'm sorry you feel this too tho..
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This is great... like an enchanting dance of the language in this one!
"stoic stance"
"I cannot breathe
beyond brokenness"
Very impressive and a deeply enjoyable read! Congrats on the silver!
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this is wonderful!
[I cannot breathe
beyond brokenness]
i really like that part.
congrats on the silver.
=] =]
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Nice prompt.
I think there should be a hyphen (-) in between self-imposed, but otherwise, flawlessly written. Stoicism is impossible for me, because eventually the environment around me will cause me to break out in laughter, song, or anger.
But yes, I always find stoicism to be unnatural and hiding those "silent screams" you write about here.
Oh, and I noticed the ellipsis (...) after 'chasm' doesn't have a space preceding it...but there's a space AFTER the ellipsis in the last line...was that intentional??
I can tell this is personal by the way it's written...very nicely done.
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Screaming beneath the skin...
Is anything really totally self imposed with so many factors in life? Though the reverse could be said as well... Nothing is ever totally them.
Great work here. -
solid read
It is always difficult to critique a personalized poem. I'm not quite sure that I agree with the feelings I gained from the work, however, the work was engaging and I did feel something. This in itself speaks volumes for the well crafted and nicely placed words. I believe I felt like this at some point in my life (not that I've found the "secret sauce"). We can be our own worst enemy, but we are also our best friends, closest allies, resourceful utilities, persistent, dominant, perservering beings that have ever walked this wild and crazy planet. Life isn't about being easy, but how we rise above the things which seek to hold us down (even when we are at the root cause).
Time for me to sleep (obviously from the way I'm rambling rofl).
Best Regards,
Brian
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Aww sis, this was so deeply emotional.. makes me want to cry
I know how hard it can be to force a smile somedays so people don't see the weakness.. but deep down you will get through it, and something beautiful will come from the pain held within. I know how you feel/and or felt in the past, not fully because i know you have been through loads more then me, but in some areas i can relate with you. i'm always here for ya sis! & this was just so beautifully written.. a true poet pens from the heart and soul; and that is you!
Good luck in the contest
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Excellent Write!
Love the way you worded this! Draws the reader in well.
Thanks for sharing, and all the best within the contest!
Timothy
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I love this. It's so full of emotion and shows tonnes of silent turmoil (Not sure if I spelt that right but it's the thought that counts right?) It's a totally awesome poem although I still feel the kitty one is better.
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Don't I know this feeling. A fantastic write my dear. All the best to you in the contest!
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Oooooo you wrote for it after all and it was well worth the wait!! How do you come up with such brilliance so consistently? It's truly mind blowing.
My stoic stance
conceals silent screams
-lovely alliteration
[I cannot breathe
beyond brokenness]
-so emotionally enthralling and rich with motion
Chained to this
self imposed chasm...
... comfort cannot reach
-perfectly fit ending!!
Early grats on the gold sis!!! so well done!!
-Dan
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