pans used to sag
from the weight of the ceiling
like mother's eyes
when she scrubbed leftovers.
she blew kisses
out the window
to suburban landscape,
to stars who blinked
with understanding,
and wished for more than
ungrateful children.
so god remodeled-
her sighing walls
expired into chalk,
tile glazed with charcoal,
familiar room razed in
a whirlwind of thunder.
she saw where photographs
used to smile
and she blew a kiss
where the window once was
to a street chewed away
by feverish monsters,
to stars who blinked
and understood less
than she did.
Author notes
Teen Idol, assignment 2: kitchen.
over 1000 homes burned down in my neighborhood.
A contest entry
- TI8 - Round 10 - Top 4 - Finale - Assignment 2 by Tangled Angle.
1400 points, ended June 15, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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the title caught me right away, i love that word,
i learned it history class just this year and i think
the sound of it conveys a lot of it's meaning. the poem
itself is wonderful and i loved the images. after reading the authors note this becomes even more powerful and the second read was much more intense than the first. again, powerful.
peace to all ~flight
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i think this one is of your strongest ones, because of how well thought out it is. it developed smoothly. i love how every line has a place in the poem. there doesnt seem to be any loose pockets. Loved it.
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great setting and atmosphere
the sag weighs upon the brow
the center weight so far from the stars
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you are brilliant, and the more i read, the more i realize how talented you are and how much you are growing, it's sometimes unbelievable to read your work, because dreams hardly happen while you're awake.
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wow
i am glad i read this. it blew my mind.
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I would put 'from' on line two, it helps the flow.
Stanza two reminds me of something personal, I love when I can relate in some way to the pieces. For you to be able to evoke a memory shows excellent writing.
I think the ending is very strong but right before it, it sagged slightly. Lost a bit of its power.
Still very well done -
ohmygod, wow. so you must've been in the wildfire area. it's good that you're okay, though
and, i really like in this poem how you paralleled, before and after the fire, the "god remodeled" part, how you made the kitchen prompt so much bigger, the ending, the title, and...actually, there are lots of things i like.
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yea, the ones that we got hit by were 4 years ago (but not my house), we got evacuated again last year, but nothing in our neighborhood burned.
thanks
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Oh, I lived in a neighborhood that got evacuated during those wildfires too. You mean in Southern California, right?
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yep! are you from around here too??
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my cousin had to evacuated, her and her little son. she's showed me pictures of it...crazy.
peace to all ~flight
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