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Upperbove

Missing image
Why I stopped?
It just wasn't for me.
My friends all died.
Any fool could see
This place was too upwards.
Too upwards for me.
The boy with the nails.
the man with the gun.
This place was hardcore
This place was no fun.

When it took my father.
When it sold my mom?
This place is fucked & dirty.
It's no place to be from.

This place is full of lights,
and it hardly ever rains.
Limosines, and debutants
heroin, cocaine.

You kids think it hurts
Listening to their Bull?
Try fucking your own mother
while selling your own soul.
I've bartered every friend I loved
Everything that I deserved.
Just to be in Upperbove.
To serve thee over served.

Author notes

News flash last week a young mother pulled not only a beard out of her vulva but also indeed...a jesus foetus, though it was small and horribly mutilated the small son of god snapped his magical fingers though only three, and turned into Elvis pre bannanutter sandwiches and did a splendid rendition of "Mama said I shouldn't come" by three dog night, thank you folks, I'm here all mother spanking week.
Written December 29th, 2003

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Comments

1 - 33 of 33

  • dustookie2
    November 14, 2006
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    i read this from start to finish then from last stanza through to the first...dont ask me why. Good luck in the contest


  • Camlek
    June 30, 2005
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    2/5 for sticking to the contest theme.
    3/3 for poetic talent.
    2/2 for overall wow factor.

    This was an amazing piece. You took a quite overly used topic and tackled it in an original and effective way. I have given you full points for wow factor because you have really managed to create a moving poem. And there was a choppy rhyme scheme in there, which although not perfect helped with the overall feel of the piece. Well done for you effort and thanks for taking part!


  • horus8 gold member
    June 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    certainly, but, I said sunvalley nevada though (that's the sister city, Sparks, of reno nevada the biggest little city in the world. A trailer park city that I spent some time in. allpoetry.com/Poem/432272


  • Amanda Smart
    June 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    creative & raw

    Hummm-is the place "drugs"?
    And the words is "Moma told me not to come." Cory Wells
    of Three Dog Night sang it.
    Truely a thinker.
    All the best,
    Amanda

  • essenceof-failure
    June 26, 2005
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    definitely different yet oddly interesting great poem and what a twisted view youve formed for the reader the heartlessness yet hidden compassion awesome write


  • tupac
    June 26, 2005
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    i love your sense of humor man (even if the rest ofyou needs an upgrade) but this poem is excellent. Well Done

  • Tumbleweed
    March 27, 2005
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    Very strange, I won't even pretend to understand this. It did give me a good laugh, though I'm not sure why I'll give you this, you're certainly original. Great write, I think


  • antichrist
    January 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    contemporary poet

    yep.. I actually really liked it. I enjoy reading your work every so often, it gives a kind of spice to the average bland taste of poems.


  • horus8 gold member
    November 24, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    California.

  • stenise22
    November 24, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Insane, in a good way.

    Hmm, very sad this write is, are you from Vegas or California? Anyway, it crazy but well written.


  • Barbie
    September 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Lol, what happened to the nudity motto? I loved that! Barbie. Xx


  • horus8 gold member
    September 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Yep, got me there.


  • Barbie
    September 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I think the rendition should have been "Mama told me not to come"... Barbie. Xx


  • Serenem
    September 14, 2004
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    ~laughing~


  • horus8 gold member
    September 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Yes, and that would be a published, highly influentual -
    - American contemporary poet.


  • Serenem
    September 14, 2004
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    You are what you are.

    Meh.


  • horus8 gold member
    September 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Spare me.

  • Serenem
    September 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    well-written

    In spite of your rude comments elsewhere, this is a very good poem. It is well-written and I give it the respect that you neglect to give others.

    Regards,

    Serenem~Melinda

  • -Aquarius-
    September 8, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Deep and well written indeed. I could definately do without the language in it though as it is a collaboration with peacechain, a group having people of ages as young as 10. I'd like them all to be able to read the poems in this contest. I, myself thought the message was well portrayed, the wordage just showed more emotion, to me. Great write, much luck in the contest and of course, thanks for the read,
    Crystal

  • lgodina
    September 6, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    very deep and very well written, i really do wish you luck in this contest. Children think they know all, I grew up in the eighties and you had to start to become street smart then before now. They think they are cool and wanting to do what they shouldn't...Of course they are children, but keep writing maybe you can save some innocent lives.

  • empire of dirt
    June 4, 2004
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    I like your up front, in your face, attitude. It's about time I read a poem with the word fuck in it. Loved this one!

  • EojRepus
    February 5, 2004
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    and alone fo ryour use of the term jesus feotus, you will win most assuredly, because we al know its blasphemous to say Jesus and feotus consecutievly next eachoer, i mean its like jesus, and unborn baby, thats horrible!

  • EojRepus
    February 5, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    now that was amazing, and flat out gonna say it now, will be a winner of some sort here in this contest, very well done as usual
    i saw it as a message to younger generations to stop btiching because someone has had ti worse then they ever could imagine, nicely done,a nd your right it is nowhere for a person to be brough up in, i had a similarly fucked up situation, in different ways of course, so i feel ya, anyways, nice write the emotion poured off your keyboard in this one, as usual, but i could feel it, which is more than i can say about most writers on here

    peace , Eoj


  • February 5, 2004
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    O.K...I think this piece is brilliant. It's like something I want to write but don't have the ability to. I think it's great, the everyday language is perfect. These emotions couldn't be told in any other way. Excellent.

    Jenn


  • dp robertson
    January 1, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This is a fabulous poem by someone who knows what they want to write and how to write it. I find myslef often wading through poetry that is not sure of its self. This is a little masterpiece.

    David


  • December 29, 2003
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    I read Urwin's compliments (overblown) and came here. Of course the Urwin will call me a stalker in usual self-flattering fashion
    (they do that till they hit 30 and the crows plant their feet etc). Anyway, the poem: drug-type thing. I know a girl who will like this one.


  • December 29, 2003
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    Kitchen Sink, Grit, Filth
    TRUTH
    O fuck me... a "poet" (foul word mostly) on allpoetry telling the truth? Well, well - a turn up. Good. It happens sometimes and when it does you know there's really no need to look up "brilliant" in the ugly thesaurus because the kind of people who write truthful poetry are the kind of people who don't need the sugary arse kissing right after.
    This place was too upwards,
    Too upwards for me - twas a bit Plath. I thought. That bit... not the bits that said fucking - she always meant it of course but in and out its a word. Big deal. Whoop dee do.
    Yep, you don't need drivel and overblown compliments.


  • Naughtygrlred
    December 29, 2003
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    u blow my mind with some of the stuff u write but its all good


  • Judas Denied
    December 29, 2003
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    One of the above commenters said we had some bitter pills to swallow. Well, it seems like yours was also filled with razorblades and arsenic cream. Very gritty stuff, like gravel digging into my brain. I like the way it feels.


  • horus8 gold member
    December 29, 2003
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    I have a soul young lady and it's all yours.


  • Nyx Iscariot
    December 29, 2003
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    do you have a soul left? or are you like the rest of us? struggling for something better than what you have...not caring on who's face you step on to get there...

    you write nitty-gritty..and i think i like it.

    Nyx...


  • poetryality silver member
    December 29, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Constant flow, excellent rhyme scheme and chalked full of emotions. We have some bitter pills to swallow in this crazed world. You have written many pictures in my mind. I enjoy the reality in your poetry. Thanks for sharing.

    Hope you and your family have loads of things to share and laugh about with great joy throughout the new year.

    Much Love,
    Renee

  • tigeray
    December 29, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    I like this. Wow, it just "clicks" along like a new fast freight train on old track. Really good "in your fu*#ing face attitude that one would expect to spew out all over, but it has a cool sense of control. each word depends on the other. The end is the best "just to stay in upperbove, to serve thee over served" Outstanding stuff!! It's late now-gotta go, but I shall return soon to read more.
    Take Care-TGR

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