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Once more unto the [B]Reach, Dear Friends

Once more extend your reach, fair friend, revise !

None who on laurels stand can raise praised bay,

Charm birds from trees however hard pen tries,

Enraptured, keep time's creeping lines at bay.

 

Moreover meaning may with each revision

Open more windows, clearer writer link

Reader who shows too often indecision,

Ease seeks through white write black and blue true [th]ink.

 

Unto the breach once more, make mind outreach,

Nuances shading, fading froth away,

Turning potter's wheel words' clay to teach

Oncoming generations of their Way.

 

THE gem, once polished, one more chance deserves,

REACH out, revise, streamline rhyme's sinews, curves.

 

Author notes

William Shakespeare. Henry V - Act III, Scene I.
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • littlefishone
    September 21

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    This is very deep for me, I am not accademic, by anyones standards,so I didn't really understand it, yhough I wish I did, that is however no reflection on you as a writer, and it did not detract from my enjoyment, you see I love words, the way they feel on my toungue, and these words, even though I didn't get them in their entirity really heightened my senses, and lifted my mood and enhanced my thirst to know more, so thank you, perhaps today will be the day that I decide to get educated, your work really inspired me littlefishone

    . Rewarded 8


  • I-Like-Rhymes gold member
    June 16

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    This half acrostic contains some half way decent lines of which your opening is a good example
    "Once more extend your reach, fair friend, revise "
    but some, even allowing for the double takes, are too obscure for me to fathom.
    "Ease seeks through white write black and blue true [th]ink"
    Had I my teacher's pen there might be red ink amongst the blue even if it only said "please explain".
    "THE gem, once polished, one more chance deserves" you say but alas somethings will not polish well.
    Jim

    • Jonathan ROBIN gold member
      June 16
      Edit | Reply

      Explanations

      While the notes referred explicitly to Shakespeare references to Omar Khayyam Fitzgerald's translation of the Rubaiyat who is potter, who pot etc and the dharma of the Way interfaced with the potters wheel might have rendered notes longer than the verse itself.

      Words in brackets vehicle one or more senses thus think transforms to ink but one could continue until black and blue in the face as there are none as those who choose not to see or under guise of seeking explanations allow prejudice unjustified priority.

      Obscurity too deep to fathom may
      with tolerance touch base with light of day

      • I-Like-Rhymes gold member
        June 16
        Edit | Reply
        I take it your quote here is "there are non as {BLIND AS} those who choose not to see" but it is incomplete. I did read your two line author note (about a quotation I know well) but that apparentley had hidden words within it also, since the Khayam reference passed me by entirely as did the religious/spiritual references.
        Forgive me if I do not have the same values and insight as you but don't insult me for my honesty.
        Jim

  • Night Hope gold member
    June 8

    Edit | Reply
    "THE gem, once polished, one more chance deserves,
    REACH out, revise, streamline rhyme's sinews, curves."

    . Rewarded 4

1 - 5 of 5