I know life can sometimes hurt child
And you may think, I don't understand
But I'm here for you child
I'll be the one to, hold your hand
So open up your heart child
Don't drown in your sorrow
Don't think about today,
Think about tomorrow
Ohh child, It's just a phase
Ohh child, It's just a phase
Ohh child, It's just a phase
Ohh child, there are other days
I know that sometimes you may feel
Like your life child, just a little broken
And when you try to tell someone
They silence you, leave you a little outspoken
And if there's no one around
When you are, down today
Just spread your wings child
And fly, far away
Ohh child, It's just a phase
Ohh child, It's just a phase
Ohh child, It's just a phase
Ohh child, there are other ways
I know that you feel child
Like you, need to hide
And that you feel child
Like your life's, been denied
So look at this child
And past, all the harms
I'll come to you child
With open arms
Ohh child, It's just a phase
Ohh child, It's just a phase
Ohh child, It's just a phase
Ohh child, there are better ways
Ohh child, there are better ways
Ohh child, there are better ways
Author notes
Well, this is the first time I have told anyone about what this write means to me. This is about a girl I know who has been raped three times, been pushed around all her life and taken advantage of. She has thought many times about suicide. It's not her fault she was corrupted by sick maniacs. She is a young girl, and has the whole world to look forward to, and myself as the caring person I am, wanted to reach out and touch her in the greatest possible way I could. I wrote this song for her, and when she first read it, she broke out into tears and now appreciates the finer things in life. This summer, instead of going through all the heartache and sorrow she has been going through previously, she is camping the entire summer away, and enjoying her life and making new friends. She says that I have touched her in a way nobody else has ever. That alone makes me proud and makes it so worth writing endlessly! Hope you enjoy!
<<< Don't You, Forget About Me - Contest >>>
Option 7.
A contest entry
- I Want Depression Poems (Make Me Want To Cry) by sophia moonfairy.
600 points, ended July 27, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Release Me by sensualbutterfly.
300 points, ended July 28, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Allpoetry Prayer Contest - July by Over and Done.
900 points, ended August 1, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Don't You, Forget About Me by Poetic Obscenity.
550 points, ended August 6, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Impact... by Maybe.I.Am.Broken..
510 points, ended August 27, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ayyy write me something..Anything you want by tearfulgirl420.
300 points, ended August 22, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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This is a really good poem.
Obviously you and this girl connect.
I encourage you to keep onwriting
Best of Luck
Annie Shadows
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Thanks so much
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I was very touched by this song. It's written with great tenderness toward the girl's situation, offering hope and support...letting her know someone is there for her who really cares.
The song itself is really moving...but it was your author's notes that actually brought a tear to my eye. (I hate when those things happen to children...it seems so unfair. Men can be so currupt!)
It's so great that it impacted her to the point where she's finally able to find some enjoyment in her life, and looking forward to things again. That's AWESOME!
The only real constructive critisim I have here is that you have a ton of commas where they really aren't needed, and don't belong. I think maybe you were trying to convey a pause perhaps in the song, trying to show how it sounds when sung maybe. But it doesn't work in print for the reader this way. It seems kind of awkward and out of place. If you removed them, it would read much more smoothly as poetry.
Anyway, other than that, this is really lovely and emotionally moving.
Great job!
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Thanks so much. Your comment was greatly appreciated and I will take your words into consideration! Thanks
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Aw
Well, being a little girl in the same position myself i applaud you for your care and support. I'm glad you've turned her life around. You're definitly the person to do the job. =] GORGEOUS -
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Life is "gorgeous" and it shouldn't be taken away from anyone. Thanks... you really do make me smile more and more from your comments! Glad you are still enjoying my writes!
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mmm, I really like your song, however sadly it counts at 51 lines which is over the line limit for my contest. sorry
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Oh my god! I completely love this poem! It's such a beautifully raw poem with such deep emotion It's amazing! You have an excellent talent! It's such an emotional piece, once again, you have MADE MY DAY
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ugh ... I was saving something to make your day tomorrow ... i'm sure i'll find another way to do so Glad you enjoyed
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this is an amazing write and I absolutly love it.. I can relate a lot with my life and childhood.. keep penning
♥always Kate -
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Thanka a bunch doll, I appreciate it! penn penn penn
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Alas...again you didn't let me down. What can I say?! You have amazing talent
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Thanks once again doll ... I greatly appreciate it
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great!!! can i make a suggestion???
on the last whole paragrah thing i think a good thing would be like this..
ohh child, It's just a phase
(*echo* just a phase,just a phase) - maybe another just a phase in there maybe
and then
There are better ways
(*echo* there are better ways, better ways, better ways)
lol just a suggestion. if u retyped that u wudnt have to put echo i was just sayin... lol
this is a great song!!! i love it!!!!
your a very great writer!! and song writer!! someday I hope I hear this song on the radio and the announcer sayin "sung by Davidlee"
Your #1 fan!!!!
SilverWolf
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Thanks so much ... I put all my stuff up here for reviews and comments, so of course I concidered everything everyone writes about my writings. You are so very right about that echo bit ... would add a delicate touch in there at the end ... but to make it even better ... I think .. have your echo suggestion and fade them out... might be just the touch to finish it off. Thanks once again!
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yah!! that would sound soooo cool!!!! and your welcome! the echo and fading out would sound soooo cool!! and u wud get girls crawlin all over you lol
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i like this, its a great write with a fantastic message, good work x
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Thanks a lot! I'm glad you enjoyed this ... it's is honestly one of my favorites.
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Totally rad! Loves it... good job..keep up the goos work..
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why thank you doll It was for a girl I talk to ... who is going through a lot in her life right now .. she's young .. and thinking suicidal thoughts ... so .. everything just fits well with this piece. Glad you enjoyed it!
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Really loved it Feels very Zakk Wylde esque haha. But yeah I really like Good job.
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thank you thank you
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THANK YOU!
You have penned quite a song here David. Good to read this style of poetry. I thought this was emotional to read. THANKS again!
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Thanks a lot Pat. Glad you enjoyed this song. I appreciate it.
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