Blinded by the shadows
Of the world you created..
I have no strength to leave
As my heart breaks,
my soul whispers the pain,
From the acid that's released..
Your lips bring the
deceiving breath that you
give to me, and the
life we made..
Author notes
Prompt: "Close your eyes when you kiss me,
So i don't see the lies that live there"
30 to 50 words
Words (45)
creativity, metaphor, ETC...
In a list
A contest entry
- Prompt 10 entries/ 30 to 40 words by mysticstorm.
475 points, ended June 25, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Dark and beautiful... full of the emotion of the hopeless... Well done...
Ken
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i have felt like that sometimes
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Oooooh
Very well done indeed!
sounds like a woman scorned, dangerous ground here! LOL
thankyou and good luck
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holy cow WOW>..........! amazing... what a wonderful write... thanks for sharing this its awesome... good luck in contest...!!!!!!!!!!
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awesome job on the prompt. you did it well!!! too many stay because they "have no strength to leave" -sad, but so true! good luck!
*rianna
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Thanks hun I'm glad that you like it!!! I redid it because it didn't look right Lol
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awwwww
I understand this one princess and its sad. Well written and poetic. You are so talented and this background is a work of art. I am happy you are here on AP and you are my daughter. Love you, DaddyO
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Deep and great for the contest SiS
Loved--
Your lips bring the
deceiving breath that you
give to me, and the
life we made..
Hope you do well
Cindy
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Thank sis.. I'm glad that you like it!!!
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So beautiful...powerful yet dark and sad. The emotion is so strong. Great write and great background too. Great job...good luck.
Hugs,
Cheryl
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thank you very much hun.. I'm glad that you like it..
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this is so beautiful flower angel
its really good n i love the background -
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Thank you very much hun..The background was made for me..
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dark..
and filled imagery. yup, it's what I've come to expect from you in these quickie joints. That doesn't mean I'm not impressed, because I am! lot of luck to you in the contest!
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Darkly sad and strong sis!! The emotion in this is really striking and I love your imagery!!
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Thanks sis.. I think I'm going to mix a little of stanze two in with the first one.. Lol. I dont really like the second. I'm glad that you liked it..
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An excellent take on the prompt hunni. Very powerful emotions penned here. A terrific read
Good luck in the contest
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Thank you hun.. I'm glad that you liked it.. I'm thinking of deleting the second stanza though. I think that it's repeating the first part..lol.. But thank you again for your comment ..
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I don't think you need to delete it all...but you could maybe re-write some into the 1st stance
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And you weren't full satisfied with this? ... pff this was amazing! Loved the imagery and darkness of emotion you have portrayed here.. & in an original and brilliant way. Oh and your background is so awesome!! perfect for your poem.
A beauty to read Good luck in the contest Now i don't feel so confident about mine after reading yours
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Oooooo! this first stanza was amazing!! I enjoyed the second as well but the first is my fave! A bitter write yet still persisting due to hope for love perhaps. Nailed the prompt! well done and best of luck!
-Dan
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Thank you very much.. I was thinking of deleting the second stanza..lol. Seems to me like a repeat.. meh ..
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