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Thieving Sea

While flushed into a grueling lake;
A loch that steers with needless pain --

My schools of concept surge aside,
and pools of thought begin to drain.

Both swamped and dunked by waves of stress;
Discomfort fails to flag a boat.
I'm trapped beneath the thieving sea,
but brightened buoys always float.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Image Credit:
"A Farewell" by Saca

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • SilverStrandedEcho
    June 10, 2008

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    The flow and relevance to image here are quite nice. Unique and cleverly penned. Thank you for your entry!


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    June 9, 2008

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    Cleverly written and so dark and lovely

    and yes dear poet, thank goodness for those buoys that
    float!
    my buoys are the remarkable poets who write such
    piercing and powerful truths!
    well done! this has many pearls of truth to enjoy!
    Way to write!
    ears/Seattle


  • rin-macabre
    June 9, 2008

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    ooh

    while i read the poem i thought completelt of the ocean, which utterly frightened me because i am deathly afaid of water. it gave this poem its set, and by set i mean its pose, and by pose i mean composition i liked this greatly, and though its abrupt shortness leaves you cut off, it feels like that is a feeling you were trying to portray, am i wrong? very nice. ^.^

  • art-miss
    June 9, 2008

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    sounds like a moment of instinct...

    when you speak of no concept or thought,
    one must revert to primal instinct -
    survival
    - the sea mustn't prevail.
    I'm glad to hear you make it in the end.

  • Still Gonna Shine
    June 9, 2008
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    This is good, real good. Keep up the awesome work.

  • krysisconfused
    June 9, 2008
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    studying for a test that you know you're going to fail!

    the imagery is very subtly enhanced by appropriate word choice and the entire concept of the wave as it pushes on the speaker/object is effective in conveying the mood of the passage. the use of the words "schools, concept, thoughts" for some reason make the poem seem more specific to the stress of writing and school-based activities. was this the intention?


    • Justin
      June 9, 2008
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      eh, kinda. The usage of the word "school" was a play on both a clutter of thought and a clutter of fish (school of fish), since, well, this is under water and all.

      The poem could have a closer meaning to school, but all of those concept words were used to signify my ability to express myself. Although I sometimes get swamped, I'll always float back to the top.


  • LymphBeauty
    June 9, 2008
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    I liked this it reminded me of how I felt a while back...great write!


  • fakeport
    June 8, 2008

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    Kind of dark, but with a fantastically hopeful and positive final line. Good imagery, nicely rhymed. Love it.


  • Kleroo
    June 8, 2008
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    Good luck in the contest

1 - 10 of 10