.inhale.
.exhale.
breathing in the crisp cold air,
letting out a fierce hot breeze.
pale skin that is cold as ice,
yet its touch causes flames.
.inhale.
.exhale.
gasping for something real,
letting out everything fake.
a face beginning to form color,
yet still with a tint of white.
.inhale.
.exhale.
sucking in the happiness of now,
releasing the stress of yesterday.
flesh filled with nothing but color,
and a heart beat feeling so alive.
.inhale.
.exhale.
i breathe differently than you.
A contest entry
- Options I think are unique by bird at rose.
1000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Has some nice notion to it that kept me extra motivated to read this a few times
Each time you repeat the title every two stanzas, it's like one more emphasis and definition. I appreciate the overlapping metaphors here, and your 3rd, 4th lines are so with Winter living even literally. Some times, you need to put your hands at your nose to capture all the warmth possible. It can compare taking in life's bitter atmosphere around you, transforming it into your individuality apart from that crowd.
Love the double-thought in, "pale skin that is cold as ice," it's bright and pearly as the frozen hue too. Lol, I won't count the "inhale, exhale" as a stanza, so S4 gives me the image of beginning to smile and let out chilly, darkish feelings. I can tell there are stages though... not just popping in and out, like deep breathing.
The ending so exuberantly draws a picture of intense eagerness, correlating with how black is no light or anything, easily marked for feeling down.
Lovely bond of a poem for my prompt, thanks for entering,
Daisy -
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thanks loads. <3
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dude.
this is SO COOL.
seriously.
I love it.
Stay sick,
xx Sin
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well thanks. =]
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great poem, but i think you meant "breathe" not "breath" in the last line
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i sure did. thanks for catching that. =]
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No problem...I'm somewhat of a grammatically-insane obsessor, lol
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haha, im not by any means. but i mean it has to be like okay. woah im making no sense. im just gonna stop here. =]
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This is amazing. I like the imagary that you created. I love you. Good luck in the contest.
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thaanks. =]
i love you too.
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I chose this prompt too. It was one of the more interesting ones I've seen around.
I like your take on this, the repetition is used effectively. Nice use of color and temperature contrasts.
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yes it is indeed.
thanks. =]
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