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To Utter Words of Sweet Escape

Respiration.
I inhale anger and
snide comments
whispered to the side.

Fake love and
sappy sweet kisses
fill my chest cavity
mixing with eager sideways glances.

Minuscule molecules
of unspoken sadness
and failed dreams
oxygenate my blood.

Breathe in
his scent.

Breathe out
inhibitions.


Exhalation.
I release hope and
life flows from me
to you and I will it to.

Eyes closed
breath flows
through my lips
and to your lungs.

You take in
what I've let out.
Absorption of chemicals
and strange voices
has made me ill.

Author notes

I liked this prompt: [2. I breathe differently than you]

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • bird at rose
    July 21, 2008

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    sigh... personal metaphors

    Whoa, I am so sorry for your condition as expressed in this poem. Being over-stressed is like a tumor to each, even literal weight of air becomes that as you talk. And, it's so clear to me, because just as pollution can make you sick, what your tearing sociality might have is not letting you be energetic in the same way. "fill my chest cavity mixing with eager sideways glances" can illustrate with thinking that wherever you live is somewhat clean, and you soon find out it's not.

    The third stanza is striking-- that you can't be blinded into seeing the beauty of what people say to you, when it's so tiny as dust, choking you a bit. I also got open eyes from your perspective that you go ahead and breathe in, though the symptoms of it not being true shows up... what you once believed in has to drop out along with unfulfilled exhaling.

    Lines 23, 24 are strong as my favorites. Something you can't handle anymore; obviously the opposite person has created it, and so it's like saying, 'ok, here you try it.' Your last stanza makes me think of my mamma, but you know the simulation emotionally.

    Thank you for entering and pulling a good meaning out of the prompt,
    Daisy


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    June 10, 2008

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    Ohh the imagery in this is brilliant!! I can so relate to this..


  • dabpunx
    June 10, 2008

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    great poem

    hey i really enjoyed reading this poem. It was very intimate and well written. "snide comments" and "sideways glances" excellent descriptions. the only thing was "breathe" was misspelled. when you want the "eeee" sounde it ends with an e. besides that it was amazing!

    • abyssal
      June 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Damn. Laziness has gotten the better of me again. Thanks for that, I must fix it right away.


  • my.stars.dont.shine
    June 8, 2008

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    your take on the prompt was definatly a good one. the flow is great and I really like how you put the inhale exhale part in the middle. =] great write and good luck.

1 - 6 of 6